Cherishing the Moments

Worrying

Allen's POV

"It's all my fault. It's all my fault that the Earl is back. I didn't defeat him completely. If anyone gets hurt, it's my fau-"

Lenalee slapped me. When I opened my eyes I looked up and saw her crying. I never wanted to see her cry. It made me feel sad inside, to know that she's hurting. It hurts me.

"Stop saying that Allen!! It's not your fault!! You had nothing to do with it!!" Lenalee said.

She said that I passed out from crying so much. I didn't notice that I was crying while I was with Komui. We were in our room. I was laying on the bed and Lenalee was sitting on a chair next to me.

"Stop crying Lenalee."

"I'll only stop when you stop."

I was confused. Then I touched my eyes. They were soaked in tears and they wouldn't stop coming out. I didn't even notice they were there. I guess I got used to them being there, I adjusted to it. I wiped my eyes and got up. I went towards the bathroom mirror and, I was a wreck. My eyes were red and under my eyes were extremely puffy, my hair was messed up, and there was a bruise on my cheek from when Komui slapped me. I didn't know what to do. It WAS my fault. Why does she deny it.

"Allen, why are you crying?" Lenalee asks. I walk over and sit I front of her on the bed.

"I'm crying because if someone gets hurt. It's going to be my fault." I said "Why are you crying."

"I'm crying because I'm worried. Im worried that you'll do something to yourself. I don't want you to do any of that stuff. I don't want you to go into depression, I don't want you to cut yourself and I don't want you to...to... I don't want you to commit suicide!!!"

I was stunned by her answers. I was thinking of those things when I was with Komui. But I don't want to do them. Because I don't want to leave Lenalee or our child. I held her hand. And I tried to stop crying.

"Don't worry Lenalee. I would never want to leave you or our child. I would never do those things as long as you believe in me. Now please stop crying. You're hurting me by seeing you cry."

She had stopped crying, slowly but surely. I put my hand on her still flat stomach and looked at her.

"No matter what happens. I will be by your side. And I will help you raise this child."

"Allen. I love you."

"I love you to Lenalee, I will always love you."

I hugged her. And she held on tight. I don't want to tell her what happened with Komui, because if I do. She will be sad. Really, sad.

"Lenalee, how did you know where I was?"

"Kanda had told me."

"Wait. Kanda doesn't come out of those doors until late at night. Did you really wait there that long!?"

"Yes. I was worried about you so I stayed there."

"Lenalee, you shouldn't put that much strain on your body. It will be bad for you and the baby."

"I know Allen, but I can't just let you disappear on me like that, I would be worried if someone took you somewhere that I couldn't know. I would be worried. Both of us would be." Lenalee said as she held my hand.

"Don't worry Lenalee. If I have to go anywhere for a certain amount of time I will tell you. I won't hide anything from you. And, so that brings me to this. Lenalee." I took a deep breath. "I have to go on a classified mission."

Her face went pale. She stared at me with wide eyes and looked at me in shock. She just looked at me with her eyes for almost 5 minutes, then she stood up. I could see tears forming in her eyes. Why did I tell her right now. We were just going through a bad day and now I've made it worse. I can't believe myself. I put my hands on my face and started crying. I don't want to go on the mission. I just want to stay with Lenalee and the baby. That's all I wanted to do. That's all I ask for.

"A-Allen." She said with a shaky voice. "Who is sending you on this mission."

I looked up at her. I was silent for a moment, but then I answered her.

"It was Komui."I said

She had started to loose her balance. She was wobbling side to side but then she fell, but I caught her before she hit the ground. I'm guessing she had fainted. I don't know what to do. My fiancé just passed out, because of what I told her. I'm freaking out, I'm starting to hyperventilate. I'm trying to be calm but I can't. I'm holding onto Lenalee as we sit on the floor. But then I realize what I need to do. I picked her up and started running to the infirmary. I don't know how serious her condition is so I have to run faster just in case it's serious. I don't want anything to happen to her. I would never want to live without her.