The coldest Darkness (short story)

Please tell me what you think

It was midnight once again the tears streamed down her face. How many years did she have to go with this pain that she carried? She didn’t want to keep going like this. Day in day out just not being good enough. They said that she was the reason her mother died and her father was in jail. The rest of her family couldn’t forgive her for that. So much for family.

            Her fiends those sad excuses for friends that she had. The people who judged her for who she really was, she wasn’t going to be fake just for them but yet she had to. Some nights it was hard for her to breathe, just because her heart ached.

            There was one person who was there for her at least the one person that stopped her from taking all those sleeping pill in her bathroom. His name was Pablo, her best friend, the reason why she was alive.

Her story isn’t very different, from all the others, it isn’t exciting it isn’t thrilling. It isn’t a life changing story. But well it was her story.

*Flash back high school junior year*

They told her to kill herself, they said if she wasn’t really suicidal she would already be dead. All these thoughts surrounded her as she stood on the roof of her school. No one would notice her being gone, no one would care. When she said she didn’t have any one she meant she didn’t have anyone. It was free period, but yet like always no one noticed that she was gone. At least she didn’t thing.

“What are you doing up here.” Pablo said

“Thinking.” she replied  

“You are always up here alone, it worries Me.” she shrugged her shoulders.

“I’m fine.”

“Maddie.” He said, she turned and looked at him in the eyes.

“I said I am Fine Pablo.”

“But I know you aren’t.” she sighed. “Come one lets at least go in and sit down.” She nodded and followed him. One day he wasn’t going to be there and one day she wouldn’t either.

*Present*

She sat on her couch the familiar pain coming back. She had no idea what she meant to him. to her she was just some girl, yet he showed it daily that he cared so greatly for her. When she was younger she uses to be this energetic girl, who would go throughout life without a care. Now she didn’t care, about herself about her life anything. She just didn’t care anymore. That was her sad truth.

  Growing up she was alone, her dad seemed to hate her wanting her dead like her siblings, and with her mother gone, there was no one at least not until Pablo came. Her abusive dad hurting her ever time they locked eyes. She covered her brown eyes with her long brown hair. So no one could ever see the tears in her eyes and the bruises around them.

She had no idea if she would ever be good enough. She couldn’t tell anyone about he did to her. Bottle after bottle hit after hit. Every word he spat to her filled with such hatred. That was just him. That was just her family.

Her friends never knew but once they found out they either left her or got really close. And of course what happens when you hand gets too close to the flame, you pull it away, well she was a scorching flame and no one could take the heat so the pulled away from her, this is when Pablo saved her life for the first time.

Not only did he save her from suicide but got her out of that house. So she could be safe and happy, but just because her father wasn’t around doesn’t mean her depression left. Each day just got worse with her just waning to be dead, so many have gave up on her. So many left.  Leaving her alone on her couch or in her bed to cry. It was nights like those, like these that she knew just one gunshot could make things better, but also make one person very sad.  There was a knock at the door. She sighed and got up and answered the door. There on the other side was Pablo.   She smiled slightly then he said.

“Are you ok?” She nodded not wanting to say, she was just simply over thinking.

“Yea, I am fine.” She looked down hating lying to him but what could she do.

“I can tell when you’re sad.”

“I’m not though.” She said in defense. He slowly grabbed her hand and walked over to her couch.

“Listen didn’t things get better.” How did he always know what she was thinking, what she was feeling.

“yea.” she said as the tears started to roll down her face.

“And you know things are going to get better form here on out, once you hit rock bottom there’s no place to go but up.”

“Yea I know.”

“Then why are you sad.” She looked up at him.

“The past just won’t go away how am I suppose to move on with life if it’s there, you can’t forget what happened, not when there are scars still there.” he nodded and pulled her in for a hug.

“I know Maddie.” That’s when she broke down.

“My legs look like a war zone, my heart literally aces I hear sounds to fill the absence of you and its cold, always.” Pablo opened his mouth to say something but she wasn’t done. “I close my eyes and see darkness and open them sometimes its still dark, I don’t think I am alright, andi don’t think it’s ok.

“How long have you been feeling like this?”

“I’m not sure awhile.” He stood up.

“I think…we should put you in a mental home.” She gasped and looked at Pablo out of the years he had never said that to her. he had just simply been there for her, and made things ok. Was she really going crazy?

“No I don’t I just.”

“I can’t help you Maddie. Not this time.”

“why.”

“simply because I am not the answer for you getting better, you are.” She looked down did he really want to get better or let the madness take over her. did she wasn’t to fight. She sighed and looked down. She agreed to go but didn’t really care what was going to happen to her. what ever happened, happened.

Three week later. Maddie Schwartz was found dead in her hospital room on April 4 2012. Cause of death, suffocation , apparently she suffocated herself with a pillow and  on the floor of the bed was found a note that read.

To anyone who reads this I just got sick, really sick, actually I’ve been sick and there isn’t a cure, just like cancer kills, my illness killed me. I guess is a shame these beautiful scars on critical veins it’s just I never felt so cold or so alone, but I never will know why he left me all alone in the dark. So I say good bye from a 23 year old no one as I let the darkness consume me, one. Last. time