The Long Lost Mafia Prince

Chapter 35 - Hope

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Rayver POV

"Regina." 

I spun around to see her glare at me, but I didn't care. I don't give a single fuck if she's mad at me. 

Suddenly, I heard two gasps. 

Did… Did he just--

Hell, yeah! Il mio fratellino said his first curse word! Damn, I feel like a fuckin' proud mama!

"That's not the point right now!" I unintentionally yelled, not liking how she nonchalantly fist-bumped the air as if my first profanity was the main subject. "H-how are you one of the voices in my head and my old self is the other?! This doesn't make any sense at all! You say I shouldn't be here, but I believe that you shouldn't be here!" 

She gave me a sad, pitying look, but was serious at the same time. 

Rayver, don't you get it?

'Well, obviously no. No, I don't.' I thought, rolling my eyes. 

Don't be sarcastic with me now.

How..?

As I was saying, don't you understand? What do we —your young self and I— mean by being here? In your subconscious? It's because of what you yourself think first.

I gave her a confused look. What does she mean by what I think first? 

And, of course you wouldn't get it on the first try. Not that you shouldn't have bothered trying in the first place anyway.

Regina glared at eight-year-old Rayver who was sneering at me. 

Quiet there, debolo. Rayver, what I mean by what you think first, is that we are made by you.

Your eight-year-old self was made because of the first time you doubted yourself. The first time in which you lost your self-confidence, even if it was just for a bit.

Every single person in the world has their own demons, their weaknesses, and their insecurities. It is just in our choice whether to feed that demon, or to exterminate it.

And now, you have to choose. Will you exterminate your insecurities?

I looked at her warily. "But… How can I do that? It's… He's been in my brain ever since I was a child. How can I just… Erase him? Erase those feeling of uncertainty and build self-confidence so quickly? I… I don't think I can do it." I whispered to myself. 

Yeah, how can you do it? Oh, right. You can't! Wow, you're so pitiful that you can't even think of something good in you! I doubt you had one from the start anyway.

As I was listening to little Rayver's truthful words, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned my head mad and saw Regina. She was smiling gently at me. 

That is what I'm here for, Rayver. You wanna know how I came to be? I arrived the first time you felt something that changed your whole self.

Hope.

Even though it was very tiny, you felt hope. And that hope came in the form of your sister, which is why I, the angel on one side of your shoulder, is in the form of your sister. It's because it's in her that you found the hope to live, love, and be loved.

"What about him?" I asked, pointing to my young self who was busy glaring at me and muttering bad things about me under his breath, "How come my insecurities came in the form of him?" 

Because, Rayver, the only person stopping you from being free; the only person that is caging you; the only person that is pulling you down…

She planted her index finger on my heart, her violet-red eyes staring straight at my violet ones.