A Court of Lichen and Twilight / An ACOTAR Fanfiction

Chapter Two: Flight

The ring was a truly gorgeous asset that my best friend couldn't keep her eyes off of. When I allowed the natural light of the room to hit the main face of the stone, the brightness twinkled off its edges as I tilted my slender hand side to side. Nila's expression of awe showed she was absolutely enamored by it. Finally when she was satisfied with her observance of my mating band, she pitifully looked at the hurried mess I made of my hair. With a huff and tinkle of bracelets, she demanded it be redone. Her compulsory attitude towards always looking presentable, even at her leisure, never failed. Yet, it somehow wasn't because of vanity - merely self pride. Good for her.

Nila untied and braided my hair again into a tighter (and much neater) fishtail design. I felt it's curled ends lick at the sensitive skin just under my shoulder blades through my blouse. She also insisted to dab a little rogue on my lips and cheeks to 'give me some color back to my skin'. I typically only used the red, sticky balm on special occasions since I had no way of getting more until we opened the wards...if that even ever came. All in all, it was her best effort to get me ready to appear the ruse of the flushed and glowing newly mated woman to my family. On the inside, I felt I might have to heave again as the contraceptive bubbled in my stomach with heinous intestinal gushes. The tonic and whiskey were clearly not compatible as they became homogenous within me.

"There. Red rogue cancels out that sickly green you've had plastered on the apples of your cheeks. Just don't vomit again and we'll be totally fine," she smiled at me graciously, her finger pad finally halting at blotting my face. Beaming pride in her work on me took over as she stepped back to admire.

"I wish I felt as good as you think I looked," I huffed back at her.

"Just give the tonic an hour or so and it'll subside. You may still feel sick but that's how we know it's working. Would you rather the alternative?" She retorted to me, a brown curving up on her forehead at the rhetorical question.

I grumbled in response. My body slunk into my chair and I cradled my churning belly like I was my pregnant sister. I thought it was almost humorous - she held her stomach in protection over her child while I held mine due to the side effects of preventing one with Silas. I shuddered at the thought so soon in my mind. How could I ever want to be with child with him when I didn't lov-

When I what?

When I grew the courage to finally tell him I didn't feel the same? That we were rushing this. That we were platonic and nothing more.

That he wasn't my mate.

I never felt that bond snap. I knew it. I couldn't deny that either. Now that I had space away from him I allowed myself to admit it to my subconscious. Could a bond be one directional and just for him? I'd disappoint my entire family if I admitted this. I needed to get a grip, suck it up, and take it like the good royal family member I was. It could be worse and could've been arranged.

"Um hello? Clea you zoned out on me. Are you sure you're okay?" Nila snapped her honey brown fingers in front of my eyes. Her gold bangles clanged together in a comforting light chime that helped center me again for a moment.

Once again, my brain ferociously ate at the idea of what I was doing was wrong. The slight reprieve from panic I had when I left that room where Silas showered flew from me. Instead, a wave of anxiety replaced it once more. The thought of his hands on me, sliding along my back where the upturned ridges of the branched scar grew from the line of my spine. The way he snapped my corset. The way that when I wanted to break, he held me in place with his strong working hands. The pain that singed from his bruising restraint still made me want to scream. I was too drunk at the time, but sober, morning me couldn't move on from the thought.