Clarke's redemption

Chapter 1 - The wandering

Authors note: So, after all the emotions of the last three episodes of The 100's 2nd season (and as a Lexa/Clarke shipper) I needed to have some "closer" and something that could make me believe that Clexa was still possible.  So, I decided to make a scenario where it could happen even if the real story don't go that way. I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I did writting it :). Please comment!

Alert: 2x14, 2x15 and 2x16 spoilers

P.S. - Since english it's not my first language, I apologize in advance for some errors you may find.

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20 days had passed since the Mount Weather massacre. 

20 days since she done something whose consequences she would carry on her shoulders for the rest of her life... 

20 days since she decided not to go back to Camp Jaha. 

It was too much. She couldn't face the ones she saved and be reminded everyday of what she did to get them out of there alive. She had no choice, she knows that, everybody does… but that doesn’t change what she’d done. She tried to be “the good guy” but real life isn't that simple and it seemed that even when she was doing her best it wasn’t good enough. 

She made a choice that cost hundreds of lives and she will never forgive herself for that. But she'll have to learn how to live with it.

As she left Camp Jaha's gates, she wandered around the forest just feeling lost and not knowing where to go. 

She found the place where she had been with Finn and decided to stay there for some days. She needed to think, to cry... to break. And she did. She cried until there where no more tears left, she felt to her knees, screamed at herself, she even hurt herself trying to ease the pain, but nothing helped... only time could give her some relieve and help to scar that wound.

After the 6th night falling asleep while crying she woke up different. Her heart felt like stone, her tears had dried out and, for the first time, she could think more clearly. 

She stood up and decided to go back to Mount Weather willing to confront herself with the bodies of the ones she killed and bury every single one if she needed. This way, she thought, even if she didn't find forgiveness maybe, somehow, she could at least redeem herself. 

So, after one entire day walking, she got there. However, there were no bodies left. 

She looked around but couldn't understand how or who've moved them. The place was clean as if nothing ever happened… as if someone went before her and wanted to erase those horrible moments that took place a few nights before. 

Nevertheless, that meant it wasn't safe for her to be there. So she left, and keep wanderer.

After some time she could review in her mind everything that happened. Everything since she came to the Earth... The troubled start with the 100, the lives lost in the Ark trying to get to the ground, the fight with the Grounders, Finn's death, the alliance with the Grounders, Lexa, their kiss, her betrayal... the moment she abandoned her... It hurt so much...! She felt her heart being torn out of her chest and didn't understand why. She knew Lexa. She knew she would do anything to save her people but why it had to be like that? Why? Why didn't she come back? Why did she leave her completely alone? Didn't she care? 

Deep down, Clarke knew Lexa cared about her... those words “not everyone, not you”, their soft tender kiss... the way Lexa looked at her... they weren't lies... “I made this choice with my head, not my heart” she remembered the Commander saying. Could this mean that she, Clarke, was her heart?

During the past days she could only remember all those moments with anger and despair, but now they just carried sadness and a deep sense of “what if?”...

Only now, after almost three weeks, looking at the crackling fire she could start to understand... Lexa did betrayed her. But who was her, Clarke, to judge? Lexa left her and the Sky people but managed to save everyone of their people without fighting, without killing, without losing anyone. And her? To save the ones she cared about, she murdered a whole nation... including children and the ones who helped them... how could she lived with herself? How could she judge Lexa after what she, Clarke, had done? How could... 

Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted as she felt someone's presence.

“Who's there? Reveal yourself!” she shout as she took her gun out of her belt. No one showed, but she was sure someone was there. Her attention landed on a tree some feet away and she managed to attract the one who was following her, trick him, making him fell on his knees and pointed the gun on his back.

“Put your hands on your head and turn around slowly” she said carefully. His body was strong, his face was covered with tattoos and his eyes were ones of a warrior. Clarke immediately identified him as one of the Grounders. “Who are you? Why were you spying on me?” he didn't answered. “I know you can talk english... all of your warriors can. Tell me: what's your name?” she said forcing the gun into his chest.

“Tendrick” he said.

“Ok Tendrick, what are you doing here?” she said with caution. 

The truth was since Lexa and the Grounders left the battle camp the alliance was broke. She didn't know anymore if they were in peace with each other or back at war once again. Knowing their Commander, she couldn't believe they were sent to harm the Sky people, but she needed to be careful.

“I mean you no harm” he answered.

“Then why were you watching me?”

“I was send to protect you. To be sure no one would hurt you”.

“Who sent you?” she asked already knowing the answer.

“The Commander” he said looking into her eyes. Her heart felt a beat. “She does care”, she thought. And he continued “After she knew what happened in Mount Weather she looked for you and sent some of her best warriors to be sure you'd be alright. I was the one who stand at Mount Weather in case you showed up. And you did.”

Now everything made sense... Could Lexa told her soldiers to clean up the mess she made guessing that probably Clarke would come back to that place and suffer even more by seeing all those lifeless bodies? Could Lexa have done all this just to protect her?... To prevent her, Clarke, to hurt herself possessed by the guilt? 

“So you've been following me since then?” she said directing herself again to the soldier trying to hide her thoughts. He didn't answered. “Take me to your Commander”.

The night was falling, but even in the dark, the Ground warriors knew the forest very well, so with Tendrick's guidance they wouldn't need more than a few hours to get to the Capitol.

Most of the time none of them shared a word. And Clarke's heart beat more intensely as they approached the camp. 

What would she say when she saw Lexa? How would she react with her just invading her camp like this?

And so they arrived.