Okay so maybe , No , I want to share something to you guys
When I was 16 , I met a girl , she's cute and child like , I thought about her as a sister at first but then as the day goes by , the least expected thing happened
I fell in love with her , or I like her more than a friend or a sister
I tried my luck and she said yes too , I was happy , I thought it would last long but not even a month later I felt like I don't like her at all
So I broke it up with her, thought its what I needed and what I want but I was wrong
The moment I let her go , I realized I can't see her with someone else
I knew I needed her but I didn't ask her straight away
I wanted to be sure , I let time pass by
I watch her hurt by my actions but it's hurting me too
Everything about ignoring her and watching her cry broke me , I'm stupid I know
When I thought that I just pitied her , I set her aside , the feelings , the fear of seeing her with someone else
But Damn I was wrong , I realized it's not just I need her , I wanted her all by myself , I want her to be mine , just when I'm about to take her back someone came into the picture
A boy her age was making a move , I watched , I was about to give her up but I told myself I had to try at least
And I'm glad I did
Because she choose me despite being so stupid , she was the best thing , we got to meet each of our parents , I properly introduced her to my parents but it didn't go well to her side
Her being bisexual wasn't acceptable to her father and her grandma
I was hurt by that but I understand, not everyone accepts third genders right?
But that didn't stop us , we stayed together despite of that disapproval
The one thing that makes me strong fighting for us was her mother's support on us
I was happy with her , I was my own self with her , I felt free and wanted
I supported her through everything and she did the same , were each other's no. 1 supporter
It wasn't always sunshine and rainbows there tho
We have our fair share of disagreements
Mostly me being immature and the jealous type , but what can I do? I'm scared of losing her , especially to a man
We've been in an on and off relationship but thankfully we still find our way back to each other , even planned about the future without certainty , I had my dreams built around her , that was a bit .... Uhmm to forward? I knew thinking about the uncertainty of the future we'd have would only hurt me
I prepared myself for it
We were together for almost 3 years, yup almost
When the pandemic strikes , it all slowly went into it's downfall
We became distant , I wasn't able to go to her but we kept in touch through phones
But it wasn't enough
Slowly , were drifting apart
We talked less , the distance , the lockdown and her father stepping in between us , stopping us for being together
I had to be honest , I wasn't the best partner , I have my flaws to but I gave everything I can
Knowing were slowly drifting apart I prepared for the worst case scenario, us breaking up
I was to busy preparing myself that I started neglecting her , I was busy building up my walls for her no to break me
I hadn't realized I fucked up until , she broke it off
I thought my wall were strong but , It still cave in
No matter how I had prepared myself I'll still be broken
She's not perfect but she's a great loss
Maybe I fucked up big time?
Now that we're through and it's been almost a year I start to think it was all my fault
Maybe She became tired of me , of my excuses, of my clinginess
The last thing I heard about her was that she had a boyfriend but it didn't last long
She told me she didn't fell like having one
I was hurt knowing she's not mine anymore
To be honest , No matter how hard I try , there'll always be a part of me where it will ache for her
I still think of her , but not as often as before
No matter what I do , I'll always have that 4 letter word for her
Love , I'll always love her , I could never deny the fact that she was more just someone I had past relationship with
She's my greatest love , the one that got away
I stopped communicating to her , but I just hope she's doing well , and healthy as well as happy
I'll always love that girl
