Bi-Curious (BoyxBoy)

♥︎ Chapter 52 • Stay ♥︎

______________________________

Will you want me when I'm gray?
Or even when I'm okay?
You can leave me if you may...

But I really want you to stay

______________________________
Bi-Curious
Chapter 52
"Stay"

Charlie

"Do you want to talk about it, Char?" Xander asks, squeezing my hand as he drives my truck that he gets to have while I'm at college. He cups my face in his large hand, green eyes trained on my expression as I fail to meet his gaze.

I shake my head, studying my tattoo on my left arm, hyper-aware of the scar it camouflages. It reminds me of myself in a way—gilded. Although things look good on the outside, on the inside, it's a whole lot messier... darker.

My little brother doesn't force the conversation. Instead, he plays with my earrings and puts on some music, allowing me to wallow in my thoughts.

With an unsteady finger, I trace the tattoo, ending up on Ethan's initials. Although I should feel happy, it's a lot more complex than that. Apprehension swirls in my mind like a tornado. Part of me is relieved, while part of me is overwhelmed. Xander was present with me for this, but I can't help but wish Ethan was there as well. I'm glad he's working and being independent, but I just want to be held right now. And I want him to be the one to hold me.

Maybe that's toxic of me to think, but it's the truth.

"Contact me if you need anything, Char." Xander makes direct eye contact with me as we stay parked in my apartment lot. His green eyes show me that he means it, that even if I were to message him at four in the morning, wanting him, he would make the commute.

Xander has always been there for me.

I nod, hugging him tightly across the center console. He kisses my temple, offering a grin.

"Hey, I'm proud of you, really."

Smiling faintly, I bow my head and kiss his forehead before making the trek to my apartment. My eyes glance at my watch and my heart blossoms at the time. Ethan should be home. My Ethan could be in the living room, waiting for me.

A sharp exhale leaves my mouth as I stare at the front door, wondering if I should just enter or knock. Knocking would probably be weird and attention-seeking, so I decide against it, twisting the doorknob and entering the all too familiar apartment, freezing when I see my boyfriend.

He's cleaning the kitchen. Because it's messy and I can smell the reason for it even before I see the plate of my brownies on the counter.

Ethan turns around, breaking into a grin when he sees me and sets the dishes down. "Hey, baby! How did therapy go?"

Slowly, a tear slides down my face and I stare at him, my chest hurting.

He doesn't need me.

Ethan comes over instantly and picks me up. "Hey, Charlie. I've got you. This is okay, right? I can hold you?" He asks while taking me to the couch and sitting us both down, gathering all of me up in his arms like I'm a kid.

"I-I—" My face contorts, hating how hard it is to speak. I'm borderline nonverbal, but I want to talk; I need to talk to him. "Off suicide watch."

Ethan rubs the bridge of my nose gently. "Really? That's amazing, baby. I'm so proud of you. I know you've been working really hard. Why are you crying? Overwhelmed?"