Bay of Strangers (Manila Girls #2)

Kabanata 28

Kabanata 28

Nice

January came, it means that I have to go back to school. It was so hard to get up during those time. It's like I'm back to square one. I haven't moved at all. The guidance counselor and even Ma'am Adana Moreno encouraged me to go to a psychiatrist for therapy, but I refused. My parents are having a session once a week from what I heard and everyone's expecting me to join them.

My father once talked to me about this, but when I told him that I'm fine and I don't need help—he did not try talk to me into it again.

"Lei, kumain ka ha."

Si Ate Nene ang naging consistent at persistent na tagapag motivate sa akin na kumain, parehas sila ni River pero dahil hindi ko naman kasama si River dito talaga ako mapilit. Si Ate Nene naman, tititigan ako nang matagal hanggang sa hindi na ako komportable at mapipilitan na talagang kumain. Minsan sinusuka ko, minsan hindi na.

"Kapag kinain ko 'to, aalis ka na."

"Oo naman, Lei. Sige na. Kumain ka na."

I had to prepare a lot for my academics. We have a work immersion. I was assigned to have it on the field office of Philippine Commision on Women and met different amazing people.

"Ayaw mo ng Kale juice?" Tanong ni Ate Nene matapos ko iyong itulak palayo sa akin.

"Ayaw ko na."

"Okay... Ilalabas ko na."

I never liked Kale juice again since Atticus... died.

Minsan, hindi ko pa rin iyon masabi ng malakas, ni hindi ko rin masabi minsan kahit sa isipan ko.

Griel held my hand the moment I saw him lying on the floor. Grief never wanted to let me go no matter how much I tried, and in exhaustion—I resigned. I blamed my grief for waking me up in the middle of the night, knowing that I could have saved him, but I failed nonetheless. The feeling of constant sorrow, agony, emptiness, and pain never left me—they befriended my weak, shattered heart and made a rotten shack inside me.

Hindi kami nag-uusap ni Vanna at ng kambal. Vanna's cold to me. The twins looked like they're avoiding me at all cost. Wala akong problema roon lalo pa't dahil sa mga nangyari noong nakaraan ay mas lalo akong nawalan ng gana na makipag-usap sa ibang tao bukod kay River, Ate Nene, at Kodiak.

It all became a routine for me. Papasok sa academy, tatambay sa apartment ni River, aattend sa peer support group at peer tutoring, uuwi sa bahay, makikipag-usap kay Fitcher sa mga iba pa naming plano at plataporma.

"Zina's still in Sorsogon?" Rinig kong tanong ni Mama.

Isang gabi na kakauwi ko lang galing sa meeting kasama si Fitcher. Mayroon kaming i la-launch na hotline at website para sa suicide prevention, at mga survivors. It was so hard, but we managed to get through.

"Hindi siya sumasagot sa emails ko. That girl better be present on Atticus' forty days-"

"Lyka, stop it."

Noong nakaraan ko pa sila naririnig na nagtatalo at nag-uusap tungkol kay Zina.

Pumunta sa burol at libing si Zina noong nakaraan pero hindi siya kumausap ng kahit na sino. Not even my parents. Gustong-gusto nga siyang makausap nina Papa pero hindi siya umiimik noon. She's heavily protected by her family too. I doubt that they'll let her go at times like this. I heard she's in therapy too.

"I'm expecting you to prefer your final research output by February, preferably before Valentine's ball. Okay?" Ma'am Belinda's voice echoed across the room.