we all feel lost sometimes.

summer of '15

Me

Yes I'm a red head.
I grabbed my bike

It was in the afternoon. A late summer day. June 2016. Just 2 weeks after school ended. I never really had any friends. And I wasn't very popular either

Outfit

I was always a loner. Never really fit in. I didn't have a bad or good life. I was just an average teenager. I had parents that loved me.. a little brother. But I still felt like something was missing. Seeing all of the popular kids go out with their friends and all the girls from my school having boyfriends. While I'm just always in my room alone.

Binge watching Netflix and eating my emotions. My therapist asked me about what made me happy and what I loved to do. But I didn't know the answer to that question anymore. I didn't know what made me happy, or what I enjoyed doing. All I do everyday is sleep. Then I wondered if that's why I don't have many friends. Because I barely talk to people. All I do is be isolate myself in my room and listen to music.

My therapist decided that I should go outside. Ride my bike. Which is something I haven't done in years. But she said that it would help me become more extroverted. And maybe I'll make a friend. So that's what I did. Around 6pm I decided to ride my bike outside.

No shoes, just my socks.. I thought it was silly, lol.
I rode my bike for about 10 minutes and went around the block 2 times. Then rode a little bit more. I felt free. I felt a sense of relief from my depression and all of my problems. I was riding my bike and decided to put my hands up in the air. As a metaphor of letting go. Letting go of all of the emptiness and negativity I felt. My eyes were closed, and all of the wind was blowing on me. Then I fell sideways and hit my head. A black cat meows.

Me: Ow!
Guy: Woah are you okay *puts trash bag down*
Me: I'm, fine.

The Guy helps me up.

Guy: Yeah you should be more careful..
Me: thanks
Guy: no problem
Me: well I should get going...
Guy: nice bike
Me: oh.. Thankyou..
Guy: *laughs* no shoes
Me: Oh- yeah *laughs*
Guy: what's your name??
Me: I don't have one
Guy: ..how do you not have a name?
Me: no one really asks for my name, most of the time people forget it.
Guy: hm.
Me: what's your name
Guy: I don't have one
Me: oh *laughs*

Moment of silence

Me: well I'll.. see you later
Guy: you too *smiles*

I take my bike to an alleyway between 2 houses. I bring my bike with me and sit down to take a look at my knee. I rest from the pain I felt from hitting my head. I check my scraped knee.. then touches it gently as it burns. I start to hear music. Colors by Hasley. The music is coming from the upstairs window above me. The popular girl from my school having a conversation. I stand up. And I climb up this box and roof, to look at the window.

- inside -
*music plays*

Hannah: Yeah Connors supposed to be picking us up *says talking to someone on the phone*
Emily: Hannah have you see my lipgloss-
Hannah: It should be in my bathroom
Emily: Thanks
Hannah: No i told you Connor was gonna pick us up- *on the phone*
Emily: *yells* Hannah I don't see it!
Hannah: Just use my lipgloss *yells*

Then Hannah hears something from her window and sees A Girl. I dunk down and then fall of the roof. I hit my head again.

Hannah: MOM!! *yells* MOM!
Hannah's Mom: What-
Hannah: There was someone at my window! *yells*

Hannah, Emily and her mom go outside to check what it was. while I struggle to get up.. I run to the back of her house.

Hannah: It was over here!
Emily: who did it look like??
Hannah: That one girl-
Emily: who?
Hannah: that girl who goes to our school-
Emily: Yeah I know what's her name?
Hannah: Sierra??
Emily: Oop-

Hannah sees Sierras bike

Hannah: Her bike! She must of left it here.
Emily: Omg-
Hannah's Mom: Okay girls but I wanna know why she would be at your window-
Hannah: She's like the weirdest girl at school.. I don't know?!
Emily: For real, she never talks to anyone.
Hannah: I heard she doesn't leave her room either.
Hannah's mom: Well Connor said that he's here so you too should get ready-

- Sierra -

My name. There it is. Sierra. The name I don't tell people. Or at least told that guy who helped me up while he was taking the trash out. I sit down then Connor, Hannah's boyfriend comes up to me.

Connor: Hey.. Hannah??

I get scared

Sierra: H- Hannah!? Oh I'm not Hannah *gets up and steps on pointy stick* Ow-

I fall down

Connor: Need help??
Sierra: yeah
Connor: why aren't you wearing any shoes!? *laughs and takes stick out of sock*
Sierra: I thought it would be funny..
Connor: *squints eyes* oh *laughs*

Sierra smiles. Hannah and Emily come out from the back door.

Hannah: Connor who's THIS??
Emily: THATS THE CREEP WHO WAS WATCHING US THROUGH THE WINDOW-
Hannah: SIERRA??!
Sierra: I-
Hannah: Get out of here bitch!
Connor: Hey- hey hey-
Hannah: No! She was spying on us. She's probably lesbian *smiles*

Hannah and Emily laugh and Sierra run away.. while chamber of reflection my Mac Demarco plays. I run while some guys skateboards across the road an almost bumps into me. I fall again. For the third time

Sierra: Oh my god! How many times am I gonna get hurt today! *gets up*
Guy: I'm so sorry-

The same guy, who was taking the trash out.

Guy: Yo your the girl who didn't have a name *smiles*
Sierra: Guy who took the trash out.. well good news I lost my bike.
Guy: how??
Sierra: I fell of a roof.. scraped my knee. Got yelled at from the most popular girl at school and stepped on a stick.. yeah.
Guy: wow-
Sierra: *laughs* I guess that gave me a reason why I should never go outside
Guy: that must be a lot of pain..
Sierra: oh and I hit my head 3 times *smiles*
Guy: you wanna come inside??
Sierra: y- yeah sure.. *smiles*

To Be Continued..