Diary Of A Parasite

Parastical Relationships

I remember the first few times people said they were scared of me, I was fifteen and sixteen. I can remember the joy I felt when a few people said that to me. I wouldn't ever express that joy to other people, but I couldn't help but smile when I thought of it afterward.

By the time I was four, I was on the internet; not so actively as I am now. I first started being heavily active in chatrooms, MMOs, and other things like that when I was nine. I was fully immersed in the internet, it was my personal drug, and I had an intake of it every day. No matter the hour, no matter if I was at school, I would be online. I think that's when I first started discovering myself as a person. I personally enjoyed creepy things and found myself admiring urban legends. In books, the villain was always my favourite character. No matter if they won or not.

As I became a preteen, I remember joining a chatroom. No, it was more of a website for multiple chatrooms. The chatrooms were hosted by other pedestrians like me, of all ages, races, and people. I would spend hours in these chatrooms, observing, chatting, and meeting new people. I think my admiration of villains grew on me because I started watching myself manipulating the people who called me a friend of theirs. I would gather information about them, no matter what it was. Where they lived, their IP addresses, who they were friends with, what chatrooms they frequented, their greatest fears, everything. I knew a lot about these people, but they never knew anything about me. I had multiple personalities on the internet and within these chatrooms, whether it be cheery- sad, or if I seemed uncaring. It was simply so easy to dissect the different personalities through text- that is, of others. In these chatrooms, you could choose a name and icon for yourself.

But you could also open new tabs and rejoin the chatroom as different people. And if I got banned for being a nuisance? I would simply use incognito, and if I was banned again? I would use TOR.

The world of different people was at my fingertips, and I used that to my advantage.

'What is your world like?' 'Who are you?' I wanted to know everything about these strangers, and I simply got off to it.

I didn't care if I was hurting the wellbeings of others, because they simply weren't real enough for me. They were just icons and names.

There was a time period where I impersonated other frequent members too, of course, it didn't last long, but I always found myself falling back into my habits. Impersonating others was easy, I could simply copy their texting style and their use of language, and people would believe me. Again, and again, the people I was fooling found out. But being found out wasn't a fear of mine, I mean, I was just hiding behind a screen- what could they do?

Although, there were a few times where I have had felt guilt- that is a topic for later.

Being immersed in the online world gave me so much emotion, I would be able to feel emotions from others, and be the leech that I have always been. It could have been fear they were feeling, happiness, disgust, sadness, excitement, or even love- I wanted to feel all of it. And so I did, I would make different personalities with different names. From what I remember, I had over twenty different versions of me.

Those versions of me, with different names and icons, either didn't like me and talked bad about me, didn't know me and just observed the chatrooms when I was 'gone for the day', or specific versions of me adored me and we were friends! And no one ever caught me.

I could be really happy and cheery like this!! I was excited to chat with everyone and I was able to keep up with different conversations all at the same time!!

Or I would talk like this, and I gave short/blunt responses.

Or... I would talk shyly... And didn't converse much...