his star

𝐗𝐋𝐈𝐕

𝐀𝐝𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚

„I missed you, you know?"

His voice awakes the butterflies in my stomach, but the feeling is different, not the way I want the insects to fly around in my body.

His words have caused the butterflies to spring to life, but they are smaller, less colorful, less strong.

„Yeah, I missed you too." I say to him, meaning the words I spoke but probably in a different way than the boy next to me.

The clouds on the sky are grey, looking like the ones I once drew on my canvas, but these ones here are moving in a slow pace, turning darker with every minute but no matter how hard I try to look at them, I'm not able to notice the transition from the lighter to the darker shade.

It's weird because after all, I should be able to see the color slightly changing when I never avert my eyes. I keep looking, keep focusing and when Theo says something else, urging me to look at his mouth moving, I let the clouds out of my sight and once I look back, they have changed and I missed it again.

„They look fluffy, don't you think?"

His lips turn up into a smile, staring at the sky and the cotton candy looking objects floating in the air.

„You're right." he says, nodding his head and occasionally narrowing his eyes as if he were debating whether the clouds are real or not.

„What are you thinking about?" I laugh, staring at Theo who is frowning and smiling all at once.

„I don't get how they can be real when they look so fake. I mean I don't even understand how they look so fluffy like a pillow, but no one is able to actually touch them in order to tell if they really feel like we imagine it."

I take a bite of my sandwich, asking him if he wants to taste it too and when he shakes his head, I continue looking up.

„To be honest, I don't even want to touch them."

„What? Why not?" he looks kind of shocked, confusion being written all over his face.

„Because I don't want to get disappointed when I stretch out my hand to touch them and then I have to realize that it's just like a massive ball of fog. I think I prefer to simply picture the feeling in my mind."

„Maybe you're right." he then answers, walking closer to me and brushing my shoulder with his arm.

It's just a touch, a second of body contact, but still my skin starts to warm up, body feeling like a small lightning bolt was sent through it. Again, it's not like the feeling I grew to love, not nearly as powerful as the feeling I have when I'm with him, but Theo still has a tiny impact on me.

Perhaps it's normal and someday, his touch and even his voice will seem normal to me like Blaise's does for example. Maybe it's not even my body that is experiencing this all.

Maybe Theo is transferring it from his body, letting me feel what he is living through in this specific moment. He is the light bold that can be seen in between the dark clouds, looking like it's so far away but it still strikes me because in this scenario I'm a piece of metal, welcoming all the electricity he is giving away from him.

„I'm glad you agreed to come with me. You know, I wasn't sure if you would want to."

„Of course, I actually needed to clear my mind a bit and being with a friend really helps." I answer, slowing down until the boy next to me comes to a halt first, causing me to turn around to look at him.

His eyes scan my face and because I can't really bare to look into the green pair of his, I examine his brown hair instead, watching how the different strands are waving according to the wind.