The Solitary Romantic

The First & Last Chapter

Standing at the edge of the the blue pond I was reminded why I enjoyed solitude. Just like every evening, I had come to the serene and abandoned park at the outskirts of the city. Standing here I wondered why people neglected nature so much. Were the screens they gawked at that much better? The machines now owned the people and somehow I felt that we'd become the slaves.

The autumn zephyr blew in my face like a mellow, moist spray of affection from nature. Somehow even the stale polluted air in this part of the city had a particular freshness to it. Looking around I could see the crimson leaves descending from the trees as if each leaf was a child leaving home to begin its own adventure. I sat on the bench to read the same book I read here everyday.

Exhausted, I had begun to doze off to the harmonious rhythm of the wind when a sublime, shy voice broke the serenity of the park. "Do you mind if I sit here?" The girl in the navy blue dress inquired. Her fringe touched her eyebrows and the whites of her eyes reminded me of winter except that they had a certain allure to them which warmed me from within. She held a lime green umbrella in her hand and her dress flew in the wind in such a way that one would wonder if she had descended from the skies. She stood there with an angelic smile which revealed the dimple on her right cheek and reminded me why Bobby Darin sang 'The World is Full of Beautiful Things.' "No, not at all. Please have a seat." I responded looking deep into her hazel brown eyes which had a certain depth to them. It was as if her eyes spoke something to me, something which was better than any word she could have uttered. She sat beside me and held my gaze like the Ancient Mariner in Coleridge's poem had done. For a long time we just sat there looking at each other. Neither of us said a word but I had a feeling that this was the most meaningful conversation I ever had. Both of us observed the 2 ducks wading around in the water who were oblivious to the fact that a world existed outside their pond and the park. I reached for my book so that I could put it away when our fingertips touched. Suddenly I realised that never before had the touch of another human made me feel so invigorated before. It was as if all the broken parts inside me had been glued back together. It felt like a dream but after pinching myself for the third time I knew that if this was a dream, I was going to be here forever.

As the sun began to set, it cast a scarlet glow across the park. She wriggled her petite fingers between mine and we sat there looking at the huge ball of fire drowning into the ground behind the trees. I glanced at her and realised that the reddish glow added to her beauty. It looked as if she was absorbing the rays of the sun and radiated them herself. I knew now what it felt like to meet a stranger and feel like you'd known them for years. Not known who they were or what school they went to or what was their favourite movie. You knew their soul, as if your souls had met long before you both had actually met.

Her head rested on my shoulder as we sat on that half-broken bench. Right then at 05:07 in the evening, at the imperfect bench, in the imperfect park, on the imperfect time and with my imperfect self, I somehow felt perfect again just for a moment. "Why sit here alone?" she asked with genuine concern in her voice. How different and unreal it felt to know that someone you just met actually cared about you while hundreds of those you'd known for such a long time had empty concerns. The same question somehow sounded so different today that I did not know how to react. After a moment I mumbled, "Because the world is too harsh and I am too weak." Without even looking at her I realised she had a smile on her face, as if she knew something that I didn't. "Of course it is. If life isn't harsh, punishing and unfair then how will we ever enjoy the softness and joy hidden in the parts of life?" she spoke knowing full well that life lets everyone down. "Is hiding out here worth it? Staying away from human contact in this flawed fortress of solitude of yours, do you feel complete?" she added clutching my hand a little bit tighter to make me feel comfortable. "Not until today, I didn't but, maybe I'd forgotten life wholly. I feared something I could not see because I wasn't strong enough." I replied and I realised that she understood much more than I had said.

"I'm sorry" she said, her voice trembling with worry. She continued, "I'm sorry that the world put all its weight on you. I'm sorry you had to go through so much more pain than anyone deserves. However you need to get up. When a baby learns to walk, it falls down more than it walks but it keeps on trying. Sooner or later the baby does succeed and only so because it doesn't care what others think, doesn't care whether he'll be prom king or be part of the school soccer team. Right then and there all it cares about is getting up and taking the next step. That's what you have to do because sooner or later all our boats are going to sink, the only thing which matters is for how long you're willing to scoop out the water until you're in the depths." I didn't move, didn't even breathe, I just sat there basking in the warmth of the sun with her leaning onto my side and I realised I had learnt something new about life.

I don't remember how long we sat like that because both of us had dozed off to sleep with our breaths synchronized and our hearts beating in the same rhythm. However when I woke up, she was nowhere in sight. After waiting there for some time it hit me and suddenly I felt suffocated. Panic was rising inside me and my chest felt heavy. I didn't know anything about the girl, not even her name. How was I supposed to find her? I looked around frantically but she was nowhere in sight. Maybe, just maybe I was dreaming. After convincing myself repeatedly, finally I decided I was dreaming because there was no other explanation and all this was a sick joke my mind had played on me. Feeling disgusted at feeling complete for even a moment, I rose to go but suddenly I tripped. Looking at the object at my feet, my eyes started welling up. A tear rolled down my cheek and fell onto a lime green umbrella.

That day I learned something about hope, something about life and I have neither given up nor given in from that day onward. Every day I still returned to the park and sat at the bench. I longed for her to return to me and sometimes when I'd be drowsy again I would hope that she would return. Sometimes when I doze off, I feel a few fingers between my fingers or the smell of autumn in winter time. I don't dare to clutch her fingers too hard or open my eyes in fear that I would find myself sitting alone in the park with just the 2 ducks wading about in the water. Almost a year later when the leaves had turned crimson and parched again, I had dozed off to the sounds of nature around me. I was woken up by the touch of her fingers again except this time it felt different and so after hesitating for sometime I finally opened my eyes. There she stood holding a lime green umbrella in her hand and her navy blue dress flew in the wind in such a way that one would wonder if she had descended from the skies. I ogled at her with awe and fascination and when I realised my mouth remained open like the vast sky I shut it and gulped down my pain. "I don't believe we've met." she said in the same sublime, shy voice with a foolish grin on her face as if she knew something I didn't. I smiled, "No, we haven't" I said "but I can't say the same for our souls."