Ambivalent

17. Where Are You?!

Akara

Three months and ten days.

I stayed at the seaside in a hostel, trying to survive the day. The incident affected me beyond my anticipation and I lost all my will to live. If I didn't have to donate blood for Rune every three month, I would have given up on life already.

From the newspaper, I learnt that Aof had a stroke and was staying in the hospital for an unknown period while Mr. Kamol became the CEO of the hotel. Although it was a happy news, I read it with dull eyes, not a tiny bit of satisfaction in my heart.

Maybe because I was too tired.

During those months, I got used to laying awake in my bed all night long as whenever I fell into sleep, Rune's crying face and sobs haunted me. I was used to waking up panting and being drenched in sweat, my heart aching too badly.

As nights didn't bring me any comfort, during the daylight, I devoted my mind to creating happy illusions. I imagined Rune working at his cafe near the seaside with a happy smile on his face, hanging out with his friends, walking on the beach bare-feet...

None of those dreams included me as I didn't deserve to be in those.

Nightmares at night and day-dreaming in daytime... My one hundred days passed like this until I noticed it was time to donate blood for Rune.

I grabbed the very same luggage I left Rune's house and the one Mr. Kamol gave it to me. After paying for the hostel, I hopped into the first bus and returned to Bangkok.

As it was already tenth of the month, Rune must have got the transfusion already. Therefore, I went directly to the office of Rune's doctor. He seemed to be shocked to see me, but didn't say anything. I told him that I was there to donate and received a blow.

"Rune called me to tell me that he won't get a transfusion anymore. I thought you knew about it."

All I could do was to stare at the doctor. What was the meaning of it? Did Rune find another donor? He wouldn't stop receiving a transfusion all together, right? Although it wouldn't kill him, it was sure to affect his quality of life.

"How about the injections?" I asked with a shaky voice.

"He didn't get any."

It was a good thing, right? It meant he didn't hurt himself during those days... right?

I don't know how I managed to leave the hospital or how I ended up in front of Rune's house, but there I was with my heart in my mouth.

Honk!

With horror, I turned around to see Rune's Volvo, but I rather saw a red sedan. The driver lowered the window and I saw they were a family of three.

"May I help you?" the man asked me politely.

"Is this your house?" I asked, pointing at Rune's house.

"Yes, and you...?"

My brain stopped functioning for a second, then I asked "do you know about the previous owner? He was my friend."

"Sorry, young man, I haven't seen him. We bought this house three months ago from a real estate agency."

Three months ago... Drowning in my thoughts, I thanked the man and left.

Without an aim, I wandered around the streets, my mind fully occupied by Rune. Even though I knew that I had no right to wonder about him, I couldn't stop myself. I had a bad feeling, so I had to see with my own eyes that Rune was doing okay.

I slumped on a bench and took out my phone with my shaky fingers. Hiding my number as a private number, I called Rune.

The number dialled does not exist...

I felt the sky falling.

"Where are you, Rune?" I mumbled as I tried to calm myself. It wasn't time to panic, it was time to think.

Mansion gone... Rune's house sold... the number cancelled... no more transfusion...

All my clues were gone.

WAIT!

I FORGOT AOF!

With my replenished hope, I checked the news about Aof's stroke frantically and VOILA! He was staying in the City Hospital!

For the second time in the same day, I rushed to the City Hospital and entered Rune's doctor's office with a bang.

"Which room Mr. Aof is staying in?" I almost yelled at the poor doctor.

"South Wing... 305, why?"

"Thanks," I said and rushed to the given direction until I found the room.

Indeed, Aof was in Room 305, lying on the bed like a corpse and watching an animal documentary.

If he was there, sure Rune was close by. There was no chance he would leave his father alone in that pitiful condition.

I will just check if you are doing okay, then I will disappear, I inwardly promised to Rune and sat on a corner where I could see 305 without being seen.