Diary of a dying man

Excuse me... I'm fat

I continued rummaging through my box and found a t-shirt from my high school days, one that I wore to school in the 2nd year of high school, when I didn't have such a bad time, but I was still a victim of the bullying that I had fled from in the first place. It wasn't because of race, creed, or the way I spoke, but because of the way I looked. It is always because of how one looks and in the case of those of us who are fat, it is not usually considered discrimination because "it's just "just a bunch of bullshit" or when they recommend X diets without us asking for them "because it is a health advice"... but the emphasis is always "you are fat".

On the T-shirt I had in my hands, we had chosen to put the name of the team that we all thought was "Los Rechuchanboys" (at the time I thought it was very funny, but it was becoming less funny every time it was said) however, I did not remember that on the back, we had engraved the number of each one and the name... only that in my case, as a joke, they put the number 8 (in allusion to my physical appearance) and instead of my name, it read "gordo"... I admit that at that time I didn't pay attention to it and it didn't seem important to me, because after all, I didn't participate in sporting events, I didn't have friends at school, and I wasn't interested in getting along with anyone. But today, at the age of 33, finding the T-shirt and seeing it in detail made me think about everything we experience every day, every hour, in every part of the world.

I am fat, yes, why would I deny what is more than evident? I am fat according to the inquisitorial opinion of the scale, of that filthy apparatus that reminds me that I do not fit the "perfect" biotype that the world expects to impose. I am fat and I assume it, although in the world we live in, fatness is "politically incorrect", almost as much as ideas that go against what the majority thinks (whether in religion, politics, sex, etc.), I am fat and for many it sounds really shocking in times where a tummy tuck, liposuction, facelifts, silicones, dangerous diets and bad tans are part of everyday life and as common as fake coins handed out by bus conductors (in many cases, not in all).

Being fat these days is a real problem. It is a reason for social embarrassment and complexes. And the fact is that fatness is linked to a number of complications, diseases and ailments (in the latter I must agree with the doctors, being fat is not good for your health). So much so, that the simple fact of walking down the streets being a fat or "gordito" (diminutive used by many in a mocking tone) usually turns the walker into the object of all the looks, whispers, jokes, insults and bad taste jokes.

Society has given its verdict: fatness is a disease, fat people are social stinkers, aesthetically ugly and therefore we must be fought (I would like to believe that not all of society is the same, however, I have lived 33 years in the midst of this filth and I can say without fear of being wrong, that stupidity is the biggest problem of this society (besides hypocrisy, although many do not know how to differentiate one from the other).

"You're fat", that was the first sentence a friend I've known for 30 years said to me when I met him on the street. He never asked me about my work, or my family, or even my projects... none of that. He just went straight to the point: "You are fat". And especially in Peru, you can be a thief, corrupt, alcoholic, drug addict, vulgar... but fat? but fat? NEVER

Many readers (assuming more than one person reads me) will think I'm exaggerating, but just look around, look at the bus they ride home or to work. You will see at least one fat person there trying to fit in, you will see the discomfort reflected on their face when a seat is vacated and they finally get to occupy it, only to be bothered by someone complaining that they are taking up too much space or just because they can't sit all the way down because they don't have enough room.

Imagine, for a moment, a fat man trying to get on a bus to get to his home or work. You will be able to see or remember the insulting comments of the conductor or the driver who demands that the fat person gets off the bus, because he/she takes up too much space, because he/she may break the seat, or demanding that they travel a much shorter distance just because they are fat. I am sure you have seen this at some point. I can also mention as an example the children, those little ones who are the "future of the country", when they see a fat person passing by them in the streets, the comment "look mom (or dad), that man (or woman) is so fat" and the corresponding laughter of the parent celebrating the "joke" of his or her brat will be perfectly audible.

I remember perfectly well when I was in school, for as long as I can remember, the other students made fun of my obesity, I was always the laughing stock of everyone: because my pants were too tight, because my shirt looked like it would explode? I was the class jester and being a child, I could only swallow my pride and take refuge in myself, believing that I was less than others because I was fat. I began to accumulate huge doses of resentment towards society when I heard others talking about the party to which they had been invited and I could not help but ask myself "And why am I not invited?" It is true that I could not play soccer (in fact I never liked to play it, I prefer basketball or swimming) because I got tired very quickly, I was doomed to not be popular, to be the center of ridicule and to be probably the only one who would take an eternity to have a girl in love. So my childhood was extremely lonely, I took refuge in my books, I devoured with anxiety every story that fell into my hands and with that I also earned the denomination of "nerd" (if being fat was already bad, being nerd made it much worse) Little by little I became a lonely, introverted child, who suffered without externalizing it in order not to give the "satisfaction" to those who made fun of me.

I wonder, have you ever thought that fat people also have feelings? We are not obliged to be the "good fat people" or the "funny fat people" that must necessarily be in every social group. We also have no reason to be treated as second-class citizens, and even to get a job in any country in the world, weight or physical appearance is more important than your ability. Let's take for example, part time jobs, something like Starbucks, Pinkberry, KFC, Bembos or any of these places, you know what I mean? It doesn't matter if you are an outstanding student, if you donated a kidney to a child to save him, if you live in a human settlement or in an apartment in an exclusive area? it matters what you look like. I mean, if you're fat, you won't get the job, because we need people who "look good."

I do not pretend to change the way of thinking of this society, for that I would have to change the whole of humanity and that in itself, will not happen just because I want to... I do not pretend either that you think I am playing the "victim" or "playing the martyr", I just want you to understand my point of view. Maybe this chapter is irrelevant to give way to "more important issues in the country", yes, maybe it is true... but think a little before laughing when you see a fat person, think a little before saying a hurtful comment or an insult... think that we also hurt, we also feel and we are as normal as any other person... think that you would also feel it if you became the center of the mockery, just because it is "socially correct".

I crumpled up the T-shirt and, unable to contain a smirk, threw it with great satisfaction into the garbage bag. Thinking that regardless of what society thinks and how decadent their cheap morality is, I learned to love myself and accept myself as I am. Not to mention that I stopped thinking that I needed to prove something to someone else, keeping in mind that I only care about what I think of myself.