My Innocent Pretender

Chapter 1: His Journal

"Anna... How are you, my love?

I'm sorry if I still keep on writing to you when I know this letter won't reach you anymore. 

I'm sorry kung kahit ano pa ang gawin ko, I still can't get over you. How can I ever?

How will I ever, my love?

I'm sorry, Anna... Will you ever forgive me? For loving you. And only you!
My heart can't seem to love anybody else.

I know... 'coz I tried, you know?
A lot of times. Hoping I could forget you. Or maybe accept our fate.

I'm hopeless right?

After all these years, Mahal na mahal pa rin kita. I don't know...

Am I selfish? Or just stupid?

I missed you so much, Anna.

I am somehow happy you're not seing the mess I am now. Even I can't bear to look at myself anymore.

Will you blame me?

I work hard day and night, hoping it could help me forget the pain of loosing you. Pretending to be strong. Smiling like everything's going to be fine. That this too shall pass. I am trying, my love. I am trying. Really hard.

Not to crumble. Not to cry. Or even let others think I am not okay.

It's getting harder to breathe each day... I don't know how long will I be able to hold on to this life. Please help me.

What am I gonna do? How can I ever let you go? How can I ever be happy when you're not here?

But do I even deserve to be?

Oo nga pala, kasalanan ko nga pala lahat 'di ba? The heavens must be punishing me.

Yeah, that's it. I deserved this.

I'm sorry, Anna. Kung maaari ko lamang ibalik ang lahat....

It's been 6 years, my love. 6 years, 3 months and 20 days to be exact since you're not here by my side. 6 years, 3 months and 20 days since you died.

I miss you so, so much, my love. I love you, Anna."

Humagulhol si Mrs. Via Mercado-Lim, ina ni Adam, habang binabasa ang makapal at halos punong journal ng anak nang siya'y palihim na pumasok sa malaking silid nito upang sana ay maglinis.

Kahapon lamang pala ito isinulat ng anak nang kanyang tingnan ang petsa. Kapansin-pansin ang mga natigang na luha na halos bumura na sa bawat salita sa diary na siya namang nagpakurot ng labis sa kanyang puso.

For six years, Isang beses sa isang linggo niya palihim na nililinis ang silid ng binata. Ayaw na ayaw kase nitong magpapasok sa kwarto ngunit ngayon lamang siya naglakas-loob na tingnan ang diary nito.

She always has that feeling that he's not okay after the incident and tries to comfort him, but Adam always manages to change or avoid the topic when it comes to Anna.

Hindi niya halos maisip kung paano nagagawa ng anak na magkunwaring 'okay' sa harap ng iba kung ang totoo pala ay hirap na hirap na ito sa sakit na nararamdaman buhat nang mawala si Anna.

She quickly wiped her tears, placed everything back in place like she hasn't been there and made sure na hindi magiging obvious ang paglinis niya sa kwarto ng binata. Konting linis lang ang kanyang ginawa dahil maypagka-clean freak din kase ang anak.

Dali-dali siyang lumabas at ni-lock ang pinto at baka maabutan pa siya ng anak na nangengealam sa mga gamit nito at siya pang maging dahilan ng pagkagalit nito sa kanya.