Letting Him Go and other short stories

Letting Him Go

I couldn't resist. I tried stopping myself. I really did. But I really couldn't.

My fingers hovered over his contact name.

I found myself calling. To my surprise, he picked up on the third ring.

"Hey," I managed to whisper.

"Hi," he responded, his voice low and husky. He was getting tired. I could tell. I mean, it was ten minutes past one.

"Listen," I started, "it's a Friday night and you're probably busy or tired, but whatever it is you're doing, can you come here? Please?" I added softly. I was practically begging him. I couldn't care less though. All self-dignity left me when I called.

"Why, what's wrong?"

"Just come.."

"Where are you?"

"Home," I responded.

"You're parents though, are they awake?"

"Don't worry about them. They left with my younger brothers for the weekend. Just come.. Please? I know it's sudden and rude practically, but--"

"Alright I'm coming, wait a few minutes kay?"

I nodded but then realized he couldn't see. "Yeah, thanks." With that, I hung up.

I was sitting legs crossed on the roof of my car in the dead of the night. It was parked at the side of the road near my driveway. The garage had both my older sister's and mother's car while the driveway the van. My car being the cheapest and most beat up one got a spot at the side of the road.

I just sat there. Staring down at my phone. The minty evening breeze caressed my face. My hair ruffled along with it.

He came in ten minutes.

I saw his black Mazda turn into my road. His headlights were bright. My head turned towards his incoming car slowly. He stopped in front of me and got out. His face was baffled and confused, not knowing what's going on.

Trust me, even I didn't know what the fuck I was doing.

"You alright?" he asked.

I jumped off the roof of my car, my phone falling onto the concrete road. I would've thanked god for the Otterbox cover I had, but I didn't even realize my phone fell.

Without thinking, my arms on wrapped around his neck. I hugged him. I felt him tense.

He was definitely confused---maybe even freaking out now.

His arms slowly wrapped themselves around my waist, carefully and with caution.

I wasn't sure how long we stayed in that position for until I pulled away slowly. I stared at his face. Mesmerizing eyes. Perfect nose. Luscious lips.

Lips.

I brought one of my hands and caressed his face. My thumb hovering over his lips.

What the fuck am I doing, I thought.

I brought my face closer to him. He didn't pull back. My mouth was millimeters away from his. I slowly kissed his bottom lips.

I pulled my head back and my eyes met his.

"Thanks," I croaked.

He didn't respond. I don't think he knew what to say.

"Oh yeah," I continued quietly. I looked around at first then spotted my phone on the ground. I bent down to pick it up. His arms were still around me. "Picture. You promised."

We took one. Both of us were smiling. A small smile, but nevertheless, it showed contentment. It wasn't visible but I was still in his embrace.

I pulled myself away and started talking. "I'm sorry if you were busy. I'm sorry if that confused you or made you feel awkward. I promise this is it. I told you that after we take the picture, I'll stop. You no longer need to help me figure out my future or what after school clubs I should be in this coming year. You no longer need to keep your promise about showing me around campus when I get my college schedule next summer. And you no longer need to feel obligated to respond or hang out with me."

I took my phone and went down my contact list and deleted his name. In front him. "It's dramatic, I know, but it's so I won't be tempted." I went on Facebook and deleted him. I went on Instagram and unfollowed him. And finally, I went to my text messages and deleted our message thread.

The only thing I kept was our picture.

I let out a silent breath as I saw my phone say it completed deleting the message thread. I looked back at him. "I'm sorry for taking your time. I'm sorry for wasting gas. I'm sorry for being me. And I'm sorry for loving you."

With that, I walked back into my house without a second glance. After closing the door I heard his car drive away. I sighed and let my back slide down against the door and hugged my knees. Tears came out.

I cried. Freely.

It was relief and hurt and every other emotion out there.

After nearly two long years, I finally let him go.