vamp!neil cicierega headcanons

drunk vampire neil??

im feeling sad today so this is gonna be a little wholesome idk im just trying to cope 🦕 so stfu i don't care if this is cringe 👹
------------------------------------------------

- occasionally neil will come home in the middle of the night after scampering around town looking for hospitals to rob for blood or something

- he'll get distracted and go to a bar for a drink though, it's hard being a vampire sometimes 🤷‍♀️

- you're basically used to his sleep schedule so youre up all night

- he always comes back home with a tipsy smile

- he's usually a lot more affectionate while drunk, he cant keep up his careless vampire act all the time

-usually hugs you so tight you almost die

- he always ends up flopping on the couch sleepily mumbling about the 1800s

- since vampires have no blood he's always fucking cold so its kind of necessary to make sure he has a blanket or two

- if he's careless enough he'll let an "i love you" slip out

- to which you then contemplate how you're whole life is just some cliche in a stupid but enjoyable fanfic about just another tall skinny white guy with glasses
---------------------------------------------------------
do not criticize me for this istg i cried enough today yes ik it sucks