My First Love

In The Beginning

I thought I could've written a story from a different perspective about a man whom I love, from beginning to end, but I can't. It doesn't have the effect that I want from my memories and the actual feelings that I did have when we first began dating.

Now that I officially cannot call him mine, I feel like I could write about what I've learned and experienced for the first time. I'm still crying over him, because he officially ended it yesterday, but if I start writing this tomorrow it won't be the same.

Obviously, this is the first time that I had a boyfriend. I've been in some types of relationships before, but they were never established couple relationships. I haven't ventured into the world yet, and I met the man I love through a favorite pastime of mine, video gaming. Yes I know. It's already off to a bad start. He lived in New Jersey while I lived in California. Online-dating and long-distance. A very terrible idea. But it happened.

Before I entered the relationship, I had moralities and what I wanted out of a relationship planned out. First and foremost, I would not lie if it wasn't absolutely necessary. Second, I would not cheat, and I expected the same from my partner. If he did cheat, I would break up with him immediately and tell the girl he cheated on me with, that he was a cheater. I vowed to myself that I would rather tell the girl and have the possibility of having her cause a some drama with me than leave her with a man that could possibly cheat on her again and hurt her the same way he would have hurt me. Last but not really, I believed that I had control over my emotions and I wouldn't fall so easily for any man.

Before I began talking to the man I love, I was talking to some other guy off of a dating website. He lived near me, and I followed every step listed above. I am a jealous person, and I like honesty. I just want a good man that feels similarly to me about most aspects of life. One day, when I was going to decide if I was actually going to meet this complete stranger, he asked if my best friend, my one and only, most awesome girlfriend, was hot. I did not sit well with that and overreacted. Soon after, it was the end of whatever it was I had with that stranger.

I was just getting over that small part in my life when suddenly, as I was playing Black Ops 2, my long time 'friend' from Playstation Network asked if I could give him my number. Another guy I had met recently, whilst gaming also asked for my number. I gave it to them both and we got to texting and getting to know one another. They sent pictures of themselves and I sent pictures of myself. My long time 'friend' was very flirty. After a while, I stopped talking to the other guy and talked with my long time 'friend' only. His name is Jonnie.

He said I was exactly his type. He asked if it was okay for us to date. I said no, I don't want to date long distance, and he didn't push me to date him. He had already begun telling me he loved me, and he said he loved me the first time he saw my picture. He was very romantic. I began to catch feelings for him and soon enough I gave in and began dating him. It was within one week that I began dating him. I was very unsure about my feelings for him. I began to have second thoughts about dating him because I was really unsure if I truly liked him. I thought about telling him multiple times that we should just be friends for a while longer because I was really unsure about my feelings, but I never told him. I was afraid of breaking up with him. He seemed so into me. He claimed to love me and we even talked about having a future together with children, where we would live and what we would be doing job-wise.

He told me he wasn't like other guys. He was different. We were pretty intimate by this time, and he knew about my online-dating website ventures, even the most recent one. He was very jealous and possessive. We had each other's Facebook log ins. We were in the honeymoon period of the relationship. Everything was perfect. He told me he loved me and I told him that I liked him very very much.