When Groundhog Day finished, and I left the tv to go to my room, I was conflicted. The movie was amazing, but it's message grated with me. I had my entire life been developing a persona for myself one that was me that was a ho I wanted to be and decided everything for them selves and wasn't influenced by anything and now along came this movie that thought it could change my worldview. I didn't like it especially because it was right. I wasn't doing enough with my life and I knew it. I was young and thought I could do anything thing aka nothing and it wouldn't affect me yet. Or at all. It made me really think on who I am which I have done before but never with it being initiated by something else trying to invite itself into me. I hated hated it and by extension myself a little. I tried to look at it from another view of neutrality and I knew it was correct but I couldn't bear to let it in as letting it in stood against my morals that I wrote myself and it felt wrong. I was going to do bad in every area and I didn't want that and I wouldn't stop it at all. Then I took a shower and wrote this and I can't stop writing all this either because I feel if I stop than the moment will be over and in the future with my mind closed I'll think back or read this and I'll think I didn't know it all but I do I do and I don't know why. I think I'll publish this or write more but I probably won't and that scares me. I'm not used to putting all this anywhere other than my brain and I don't know what or why to do.
