If you could see me now

Private Fears in Public Places

"Reid, I'm going to go get some coffee. You want anything?"

"I'm good, thank you though." I got myself a coffee and sat at the counter, sipping at it. My head was cloudy. I couldn't think straight. My eyes were strained and painful.

"Mama, why don't you go back to the hotel and get some rest?"

"I can't, Morgan."

"Why not?"

"Because Noah's life hangs in the balance."

"Hey, hey, I'm not saying everyone's going to do a complete stop, I'm saying you're dead on your feet, stressed out, and not at 100%."

"I'm dead on my feet because I can't stop having nightmares about what could happen and what has happened. I'm stressed out because my serial killer father, who I saw this morning, might I add, may have had a hand in murdering my husband and kidnapping my son. I just...." My ears started ringing and I couldn't breathe.  I couldn't see. It seemed like millennia had gone by before I heard anything. 

"If... hear... squeeze." I couldn't move. It was like my body was attacking itself.

HOTCH

"Morgan, keep everybody out." He instructed. 

"On it." Hotch grasped her clammy hands against his own.

"Cassidy, I need you to squeeze my hand if you can hear me. C'mon, Monteiro, squeeze." Her body tensed up.

"Hotch, do I need to call an ambulance?" Morgan asked.

"I don't know yet. Give me some time." He nodded. Tears were running rampant down her face. Hotch wiped the tears away and held her hands, swaying them gently. Her breathing slowed and she eventually opened her eyes.

"When did you get here?" She asked, her voice hoarse.

"Only a few minutes ago. How are you feeling?"

"Like I got hit by a truck." He chuckled.

"C'mon, there's a couch in the conference room, and I bet someone around here has a blanket you can borrow. You should get some rest." She didn't protest. Reid let her borrow his headphones and within 5 minutes, she was passed out.

"Alright,  what do we know about Abel Monteiro?"

"Admittedly not much, but I'll get Garcia on it." Morgan replied.

"Have her send over a copy of the police report."

"Where's Cassie?"

"She's resting. She hasn't slept since she found out Noah might be alive."

"Noah?"

"Her son."

"Noah Abel Monteiro." She spoke up.

"Cassidy, go get some rest."

"Power nap. Aaron, I'll be fine."

"Go get some rest or I'll send you home." Aaron threatened. It was never going to happen, but Noah needed her at one hundred percent.

"Hotch!" Morgan exclaimed.

"You will not only put yourself in danger but others around you if you don't get some rest. You haven't slept since we landed."

"How can I?" She snapped. "I'm back in this hellhole where everyone looks at me like I'm a fucking psychopath, and nobody understands what's going on here. The Sperm Donor stuck my child in the fucking middle of this shitstorm! I can't close my eyes for more than two seconds without seeing his eyes. The same eyes I look at in the mirror. If I don't feel safe here, how the ever-loving fuck am I supposed to sleep?" With that she broke down, grasping him into a hug.

"Your eyes are different." He said softly.

"How so?"

"You don't have half as much anger in your eyes as he does."

"I am so angry though, Aaron. Angry at him for fucking with my life once again, Angry at Abel for dying. Angry that someone in this town decided to take my son. Angry that I can never seem to escape what happened here as much as I want to. This entire county holds me and my mother at fault for what that bastard did."

"Let's take a walk." They walked outside and to the park.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Yelling at you. Making a scene."

"Cassidy, I understand. You're not only exhausted, but extremely stressed." She opened her mouth to comment. "As you should be. I can't even begin to think about what I'd do if it was Jack."

"I hardly know what I'm doing right now."

"I know." Suddenly her phone started ringing.

A/n

Hey guys, it's been awhile. But I'm back.