Baby Fever [Jacob & Edward]

1

w: slash (Jacob/Edward), death of background characters, vampires don't function the same, Edward is sick, accidental baby acquisition

It all starts with Edward being late for work. He's not even sure how he's managed it, as a being that can't even sleep, but he'd somehow miscalculated the amount of time he had to get ready. He's running around, grabbing haphazardly at whatever he can get his hands on that looks important before shoving it into his satchel. He'd showered, groomed himself, and dressed in record time even for someone as fast as him. He was so sure that he'd stumbled into some much needed luck this morning right up until he almost broke his leg in his attempt to get out of the doorway. He hits his leg so hard on whatever wretched thing the mailman had most likely placed on his porch, that he almost cracks his skull open on the concrete as he narrowly avoids falling directly on top of whatever it is.

"Fuck," he huffs out, turning towards the obstructing object with the primary goal of getting it into the house so that he can speed to work. However, he immediately freezes in his tracks, staring over at the thing in disbelief. He had to have knocked his head on the ground and passed out. He's probably laid out cold and the neighbors were most likely calling for an EMT.  So, if his theory is correct and he is, in fact, unconscious, this must be some kind of elaborate trick his brain is playing on him. His brain, after being cracked like an egg, has presented him with a car seat. Considering he's probably currently laid out like a chalk outline, he decides to take a peek. What's the harm? He stares down at the car seat, which looks like it's meant for a newborn, and slowly reaches out to pull the hood back. He's maybe expecting something like discarded trash to be inside, maybe some old newspapers. Maybe some weird nightmare fuel, considering that this is all in his head.

Instead, he finds himself staring down at a tiny infant that can't be more than a few days old, quietly snoozing on his doorstep. 

He's ready to wake up now. 

This "dream" is getting old. He waits, expecting to randomly wake up on an EMT truck with some stranger staring down at him asking questions he couldn't answer.

Instead, he's met with a piercing cry that scares the shit out of him. He reels back, stumbling up from the ground, and looking around as if his neighbors seeing him with a baby would be the worst thing that's happened to him this morning.

"No, no, no, no, no..." He chants, in a panic pacing the length of the porch. He's a doctor. He knew how to check to make sure the baby was breathing, if it had any ailments, and what medicine to prescribe for said ailments. He wasn't a babysitter. He didn't know what to do to stop it from crying. Was it hungry or wet? He had no clue and wasn't really equipped with the supplies to handle such a thing.

He doesn't know what to do, so he scoops the car seat up and rushes out to his car, completely forgetting about his punctuality as he peels out of his driveway.

Jacob stares at him for a good minute, one eye peeking out of his front door as he looks from Edward to the baby and then back to Edward.

"What exactly do you expect me to do?" Jacob finally says, eyes flicking back down to the car seat. He looks as if he's dealing with some sort of enemy. His eyes are cautious as he scans over the contraption like there is a potential threat waiting inside. 

"I don't know," Edward answers truthfully, "I don't know shit about babies." 

He's not a baby guy. He's never held a baby over the hundred years he's been roaming this Earth. He had answers for all types of problems, but he didn't know what to do with a being that could barely support it's own head.

"You're a doctor." Jacob says as if he needed some kind of reminder.

"Yeah, I can check them for illnesses and prescribe medicine." He makes a show out of flipping the cover off of the baby's car seat and checking their chest with the stethoscope that was still dangling around his neck.