𝔾𝕀𝔽𝕋𝔼𝔻 ℂℍ𝕀𝕃𝔻 - ʙᴀᴊɪ ᴋᴇɪꜱᴜᴋᴇ

ℂℍ𝔸ℙ𝕋𝔼ℝ 𝕆ℕ𝔼 - ɪᴛ'ꜱ ʟɪᴋᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ʙʀᴇᴀᴛʜᴇ, ᴅᴇꜱᴘɪᴛᴇ ɪɴʜᴀʟɪɴɢ ᴏxʏɢᴇɴ.

"Wake up!" a student, who obviously didn't know you, whispered to you from beside you. You were wondering why anybody was bothering you when everybody knew you could get away with it, before remembering you were at a new class. It wasn't your fault that school started anew...

Before you'd known it, it was your first year of middle school. More classes, more work.. you didn't really care.

"Man, just leave me alone," you whispered back, before dropping your head back onto your desk. They said nothing after that. Good.

You relax, unknowing of the eyes on you for the rest of class.

--

You're tired. Well, you're always tired, but that's your fault for having an unhealthy sleeping schedule. Some of your teachers tried to scold you, but you didn't really wanna hear it. 

You walked home, exhausted and bored as per usual. 

It felt like too long since you'd been left on your own. Worst fears confirmed.

Left to a cheap apartment getting paid monthly by the same parents that wanted nothing to do with you when you had stopped being their beloved child. 

(All you'd done was be yourself.)

The pain was still new, yet old, and it was middle school that you were sent to a new apartment over the summer, with the words of "See how long it takes for you to come back." As if you weren't responsible, as if you didn't know how money worked, as if you were useless and couldn't take care of yourself. 

Over the summer, you just- existed. They'd taken everything but your phone, but that was okay, you guess. You weren't far from them, either. You could walk.

You didn't want to walk.

You missed your siblings, though. Sometimes it felt like it was only you and your younger siblings, like they were the only ones who cared.

..Whatever.

They wanted you to come back. Whether that be physically with an apology spilling from your lips just as easily as your tears from your eyes, or be it mentally, with a smile too wide, a voice too loud, a brain too smart, grades too good. They wanted you to take back on rose-colored glasses, and act like those same glasses were helping you rather than blinding you.

You refused to.

An apology would never spill from your lips, you'd never come back with a wide smile, and you'd never put back on those rose-colored glasses.

You plopped down on your bed, and tried to feel anger, pain, or even resentment.

..You just felt tired and bored.

Nothing new.

Nothing at all.

--

You wake up and, well, you eat nothing. You do pack a lunch- a surprisingly 'healthy' lunch, considering that with this new control, you don't feel bad about eating 'less' or eating healthier. 

In all honesty, your life is better than you thought it'd be.

You snack on something on your way to school- it's boring, walking, but you have to deal with it, even if it takes longer. It's not like it's a problem for you to wake up earlier- not like you are. You wake at 6:30, and since there's no reason to get everybody else ready, you leave the house an hour later with left-overs from your dinner for lunch. 

The first day was, admittedly, anxiety-rising, and you'd stayed up so late you'd come to the point of tired apathy. Which wasn't particularly new, but it also meant you'd made.. literally no friends. Oh well, you're sure you'll meet somebody.

The walk to your school isn't very long, so you don't take any public transport just because it's more expensive. You have to keep your finances well, plus you tend to splurge on friends, so you're saving up a lot of your money for that. You don't pay for your rent or internet, luckily, so you just pay for groceries and stuff. 

Your heels click against the floor. You've always loved boots, especially ones with heels, and when you saw cute ones with a discount.. you had to choose those. They were asking to be bought! 

They made you feel confident.

A small comfort, really.

--

The first few days were empty. You missed your friends. You felt like you were drowning or something. Maybe that was just how it is. But you're floating, so aimlessly, and you want to be free. 

It's like you can't breathe, despite inhaling oxygen.

--

Your room is empty. Well, not really. There's a sketchbook with scribbled out drawings that you'd hated. There are photos on the floor, left like trash. Your laundry is spilling out of your bins, but you don't care. Your desk is a mess of books with bookmarks only a few pages in, drink bottles that are almost empty, and stray pencils and pens. Your bed is a nest that looks more like a mess. 

You're so bored, always bored, and you have so much to do but you don't want to do it. You just want to sleep, always, and you're not sure why. Well, it's probably due to your lack of sleep.

You get a notification on your phone. Your stomach rumbles but you remind yourself you should wait until dinner time or else you'll regret it later, when you wake at two in the morning because you're hungry again.

It's one of your friends. One who doesn't normally talk, and you find yourself smiling as you read their name.

Then you register their text. It's just them asking where you are. Why they hadn't seen you at school.

Wow. They didn't even know, why-

It hurt. You laughed it off on text messages, wondering why you were crying when you didn't feel like it.

--

School passes by, you make no friends, you sit and you don't listen to the teacher, you do the work you're told and somehow manage to make sense of it, and at the end of the day you have no homework, since it's all been finished already. It's almost annoying how easy everything is. You itch for a challenge, but at the same time, you think about an unplayed ukulele, crossed-out drawings, and laundry that needs to be done. You think about how you can't even face that challenge.

You find yourself crying.

You've been crying a lot, lately.