Open wounds

Why?

chapter one

Why? (NTRO)

Thought it was a joke, thought it was a good thing, Thought i was doing something right for once in my life..But I was 6 who am I to say whats right and whats wrong. If even then whats the difference between them?...I was woken up in the night with seems like every other night with a man in my bed..Mom referred to him as her boyfriend...He told me he wanted to play a game. What game? he described it as Doctor. I didnt understand I never really liked the game Doctor It always involved my lower body. I didnt understand it. I had no idea what was going on Or if what was going on was wrong. Untill....I got Older.

I learned later on down the road the game he called Doctor wasnt really called Doctor it was called Rape and what he had done to me wasnt right. Wasnt right at all. Not to long after the "News" so to speak. I got really sad I didnt wanna do anything I felt disgusted with myself felt like it was all my fault. I never told anybody and I dont ever plan on it. Who knows what could happen if the word got out. What would people think. I mean im only 12 in 6th grade people wont call it rape they'll call me a slut...Sadly. I was lost and alone. My mother abused me when I was younger so I now live with my dad which is why my mothers boyfriend no longer does anything to me. I haven't told my dad I havent told anybody. My mother is an alcoholic and never came home sober. The thought of having a mother that dont care really broke my heart. Honestly confused me i didnt know what to do felt as I had no where to go.

Around 7th grade things got worse I got called fat ugly dumb slow emo goth a freak ect. I got beat to death about 3 times a week for the way I dressed. Or anything they could pick and point out. I went home with bloody noises and black eyes almost every week. I felt out of shape like I didnt matter like no one wanted me I got tormented about everything and anything no matter what. I didnt wanna live anymore I couldnt no one cared anyway right? Around the end of 7th grade I began to cut myself anywhere I could my ankle wrist thigh. I knew what I was doing wasnt okay but it made me feel okay. But one day I couldnt take much I tried to kill myself I ended up in the hospital with 8 staples in my wrist. My dad was heart broken didnt know what to do. After finding out ive been cutting all over my body he finally put me in the hospital. Which made me feel worse about myself. I hurt the only person who cared about me. I didnt know where to go thought the only way out was just to end it but who really would care anyway? My biggest fear was going back to school and facing the beatings waiting for me. My heart dropped at that thought.

About 3 weeks later I was checked out the hospital and back into my small yet fitting bed room. My dad would always try and talk to me about my problems and why I came home with a bruised face practically every day. I told him i was to clumsy. Couldnt believe he believed it. But right when I thought things would never get better for me I discovered this band called We Came As Romans...They changed my life forever!