At your age, I was struck by your ability to handle things, not just things, but big complicated things. You always wonder how life takes you to the moments of happiness, a minute ago, and throws you the biggest lemon, a minute later. Every day, you ask for reasons for things to make sense. Of why everything seems to be downfall after downfall, and of why a joyful moment delivers the worst guilt every time. You hated yourself, your position, your responsibility, and your life, that you almost ended writing your story.
Remember the first sentence I wrote? Yes, you have never let your battles, even the bloody ones, takes your mind down. I could have been there when things start falling out of place. I could have helped you. I could have done something. But, nevertheless, you aced every single battle. The values you held on to for many years, never became out of your grip. The dreams for your life you planned, never came out of hand. The kindness you always have, never lost its place. And you handled it all by yourself. Can you believe it? It was insane how you always try to come back and fight after being knocked down so many times. I wonder how the battle never continued anymore if it was for me.
I'm really proud of what you have become, the strongest and the most giving person I know. You always do things for other people, but, please, never let those people buy you. At the end of the day, you have to earn the comfort you feel when you're alone. For what it's worth, it was you who needed to pause a bit. If the time has come that you already can't find reasons to continue for yourself, find reasons for others. I can't promise you that there will be no more the same weight of things coming. But trust me, the world is too cruel to all of us, for you to try and fix it by yourself.
