Today was hard. I was struck with misbelief, I couldn't believe it. No I wouldn't believe it, Hayley is gone. I was confused and angry and all our friends ended up leaving school early and came to ours for a little "family" funeral in the smoking shed. Anika was blankly staring at the floor which wasn't an unexpected reaction considering Charli, Anika and I were stoned out of our minds. I looked around to acknowledge my friends and noticed Cadance still wasn't here. "Where the fuck is Elle at?" I complained trying hard to not sound as stoned as I was. "I just left her, she seemed pretty upset so i don't think she's coming" Maya says noticeably trying to calm me down. She could have at least showed up. I mean maya was as equally as close with Hayley as Cadance was. "What a load of bullshit!" I open my phone to Call Cadance as i walk out of the shed and into the house. She didn't pick the first time so I called her again and she answered.
"Wtf Elle you could have come at least" I say annoyed but she didn't respond. "Fucking answer me bitch. I called you to talk not to listen to you fucking breathe." I waited a couple of seconds and opened my phone again to see if she was still on the call. I was about to go off until I heard her voice. "I don't know why you are acting like this. She didn't even like you. She never wanted you around. She always complained about you and she even told me once that she hates being in the same class as you. You always interrupt her and Maya. You never know when you've gone too far. It's your fault. If i was her i would have hung myself if i had to see you almost every second of the school day." "Are you fucking serious right now." I snapped back after listening to her rambling about how much someone I actually gave a shit about me hated me. I didn't even have the time to keep going before she hung up on me. "This fucking bitch." "Umm isy is everything alright we all heard yelling outside and i wanted to make sure you were okay." I turned around to see Anika holding the door frame for support to stand straight. "Yeah but let's go for a walk." I pushed past her to the front door and started walking away. She followed me closely as we left Hammondville to get to Cadances house.
Anika sent a quick message to Charli to let her know everythings fine and we are just going for a walk. We reached Cadances house and knocked on her door. The moment she opened it she looked at us and was confused out of her mind but let us in anyways. "My mum isn't home atm so feel free to make yourselves comfortable." I looked around as I walked into her house knowing what she meant was she was at home all by herself. "So what is with this unexpected visit. I mean I love your company and all but is this because i didn't attend the hangout because I'm sorry I just wanted to be by myself for awhile. You know?" She tried to explain herself but i just ignored it and kept staring at the tv while readjusting myself on the couch to cross my arms.
Elle looked over at Anika trying to get an answer from either of us but Anika just shrugged. "Well this is awkward" She got up to go into the kitchen. I picked up the glass bowl that remained empty and headed to the kitchen as well.
I just walked out of the house after that. I was beyond hurt and angry at everything. Every thought clouded my mind, Until i couldn't take it. I sat on the floor outside in the middle of the road until I heard the door slam. I turned around and before I knew Anika had grabbed my hand and dragged me back to our house. I didn't want to ask any questions. I didn't want to know what was said or done after I left. So I just tilted my head towards the sky and smiled. The walk home was peacefully quiet. Anika had opened the door for us and we were greeted by a relieved charli. After our mini reunion we all headed off to bed but I couldn't sleep. I was writing everything that happened into my notebook before placing it on the bedside table and turning over. I tossed and turned until I opened my eyes. I couldn't make out what it was, I choked on air as I finally saw it. She was hanging from my ceiling. Her lifeless body is slightly swinging. It was you. You did this to her. Do you see how much pain you bring to people? No one wants to be near you. I held my head in my hands as I silently cried hoping I wouldn't wake Charli. "Leave me alone please. I would never hurt my friends like this. Please this wasn't my fault." I kept whispering words sounding desperate. I needed her to believe me, I needed to believe myself.
*First day back to school after the funeral*
We all got up and got ready for school, On the way we all kinda fell silent. As if none of us had any words for each other. As we walked into the back gate of school I felt everyone's eyes on us. " What the fuck are you looking at" Anika snapped at them then looked at me. "That means walk away," I say, backing up Anika. With that the groups didn't dare to look at us again.
"Hey, has anyone seen Cadance?" Maya says running up to us. "She's probably just having another day off from the sadness" Anika had answered really quickly, meaning she wanted to get out of there. "C'mon let's go to the bathrooms before the loser year 7's think they can take over this school" I linked my arm around Anikas and started heading towards the bathroom.
Maya, Anika, Charli and I ended up getting called up to the office and we all assumed it had something to do with Hayley. We all sat down in the office to hear what needed to be said. Cadance? Did I hear that right? No no no no, she can't be dead as well. I lost them both now. I couldn't imagine how Maya must feel. Her two closest friends are gone.
*Last period*
None of us showed up to our last class, Instead we sat near the bathrooms upstairs. "How'd she do it?" I finally end up saying after having a mental war about asking it. I wasn't trying to be rude, I was just curious. The Cadance i knew would have missed herself too much so what gave her the balls this time. "What the fuck isy? Who asks that?" Charli looked at me with a confused face waiting for my response. "Well you know? How do you guys think she killed herself?" I say looking her dead in the eyes showing no emotion. "Isy why the fuck are you asking that?" Charli said as if she was disappointed in me. She tried to look at the group to see if anyone was going to back her up before I heard Sienna talk from around the corner. "Hey guys i've been looking for you everywhere" She had slid down the wall to sit next to me. " So Sienna, how do you think she did it? Since none of these dickheads are answering me" I say starting to get annoyed. "What the fuck Isy! This is the first you have spoken to me in ages and this is what you have come up with?" Sienna yells right in my ear and at that moment I wanted to smash her head into the wall but obviously out of respect I didn't. " Damn ok just a question, Daddy Chill." I try to play it off cool. "I really don't think this is the best time to be joking," Maya adds quietly. I knew then that what I said went too far but not a single bit of me cared. I wanted to go home early so I got up and walked to the corner of the second floor walkway. "Hey, Isy wait for Charli '' I hear Anika's shoes hitting the floor as she runs after me. "Wait. Did you hear what Sienna just said?" I didn't even get to answer before Charli walked around the corner to join us.
*Later that night*
My arms were hurting but I kept digging. I forgot what I was digging for again but I kept going anyway. I hear the back door open and I freeze. "Umm Isy why are you digging a hole?" Charli asks me, sounding really angry. "It was meant to be my job but I offered her a line of coke to do it for me and she took the deal so.." I heard Anika from the shed. Oh yeah, that was what I was doing. "I'm doing gardening for your mum, Chill." I say finishing Anika's statement. Charli sat on the steps and watched me dig my hole for the rest of the evening.
