Ava's Roulette

Chapter 10: A Strand of Yarn

When I arrived home, as expected Rob and Liz were caught completely off-guard. I walked through the door while they were sat together on the couch watching a movie. They were sat right next to each other, odd, having a popcorn fight. Their laughs and giggles stopped as soon as they saw me. Rob turned white as a sheet. Liz gave me the deer in headlights look. She snapped out of it quickly enough and jumped over to me to hug me and say hello in her usual enthusiastic manner. Rob cleared the couch a little and gave me a sheepish smile. I guess he felt silly I caught them being... childish. I quickly brushed the scene aside and excused myself to return my stuff to my room.

I could feel their confused gaze following me up the stairs. I carried my luggage and began to sweat under the pressure of the lie. It had not even been 24 hours, and already I felt my breath quicken at how I should lie. I knew what to say, I practiced it over and over again in the plane. But my demeanor is what worried me. I was hurting and confused, still not having fully grasped my reality. Should I go downstairs immediately and play it off now? Or, stay upstairs a while and then come down? I decided to do the latter. It would have been odd to cut my trip short and pretend everything was fine. I felt the need to play it up a bit. That way, it also gave me some leeway to be pissed off at my parents. It was as close as I could get to the truth.

I waited about two hours and then went downstairs. Rob and Liz were just starting another movie, as I went down, I heard them rustle on the couch. They were on opposite ends of the couch then. Again, I paid no attention to whatever it was they were doing. I went into the kitchen ready to cook myself dinner. I had mostly drunk in the plane, so I was starving and parched - and most certainly tipsy by that point. As I started pulling some chicken, pots and pans Rob came over to throw away the popcorn seeds that had not popped into the bin.

"I'm guessing the dinner was amazing" he said, giving me a quick side eye to measure my response. I was out of it, but I could still sense a subtle annoyance in his tone.

"Oh yeah. Totally." I could not help the slight quiver in my voice from pinning Rob's and Liz's attention. For fucks sake, keep it together! I screamed at myself internally. How was I supposed to deliver my lie when my emotions leaked out of me? I was going to tell them that my parents had simply asked me to leave because they were too busy with the company, but this seemed like an overreaction to that. I started panicking, did I have to escalate the lie to match my unraveling mood?

"I want to ask what happened, but do you want me to?" Rob continued. The annoyance turning into a more tired but concerned feeling.

"Oh Ava, it couldn't have been that bad right?" Liz immediately cut to the chase, ready to find and fix the problem. I was once again overwhelmed. Do I avoid the question as usual? Or does it make sense to just tell them now? The questions kept piling in my head, making it throb.

"Well, you know, holiday dinners with the family are always... fun" I ended, clearly lost for words. Liz, as always, wanted to push further but Rob held her shoulder and shook his head at her. "I just, want to make dinner guys. I'm starving."

"Yeah, no worries" Rob said as he guided Liz back to the living room behind the island table. They were just next door; the house was arranged so that only the downstairs restroom had walls. So, there was a lot of awkward silence as I cooked.

I cut the chicken into cubes and fried it. Then, I added some asparagus, onion, garlic, and mushrooms to fry in another pan. I added a dash of pepper, salt, and rosemary. My stomach rumbled at the smell. Once the water had boiled out of the pan with the mushrooms, I added a cup of heavy cream and a splash of milk. I added just a couple of tablespoons of lemon juice. I stirred the cream until it thickened and the flavours thoroughly mixed. Then I added the chicken to as the final touch. My mouth was really watering at this point. I put some butter on bread in the toaster and washed the dishes as the meal slowly bubbled. I turned the heat off and served myself a plate with my toast.

"Um, there's some leftovers if you guys want it" I called out to Rob and Liz in the living room as I walked up to my room.

"Oh, thank God!" Rob punched the air excitedly "You were really blue balling me there" I exhaled from my nose in amusement. Even through the haze of everything, Rob and Liz always knew how to make me crack a smile. I was thankful they really had not pushed the matter further, or at least Rob had managed to contain Liz for now. I needed a new strategy for my lie. A new thread to start weaving from. I needed them to buy into it, if not the contract's conditions would not be met. The thought of that made me feel like hurling at the delicious plate I'd just made. I forced myself to think of anything other than the contract, I wanted to eat.

In my room I ate slowly. Scrolling through Netflix, not paying attention, thinking. The food filled me with warmth and the soft, creamy chicken coated my tongue. I let my taste buds take over and focused purely on that. It granted me with a peace that relaxed the tension in my shoulders, back, and chest. I felt as air fully inflated my lungs, relaxing me from the inside too. The calm felt like a finger in my brain, slowly wiggling through the smoke and cluster, wafting, and pushing things aside. Slowly, that finger became more like a fan, fanning the smoke away, clearing me of the throbbing. I imagined a baby blue air pushing out the black, elegantly clearing all worries and sorrows.

After washing my plate. Fully satisfied and calm, I decided to tell Liz and Rob a somewhat more accurate lie. Nothing that would break the contract, but enough that would make sense the distance with my parents.

"Hey, uh, guys." They both turned to look at me. "Sorry if I startled you earlier. It's just that..." Despite my newfound calm, I was still not sure if I was making the right call. But I was far too committed at this point. "Remember how my parents wanted me to go to business school and take over the company?" I stopped again doubting myself.

The pause gave Rob the opportunity to reply thinking it was a not a rhetorical question. I had ranted about that all senior year long, and all throughout the gap year I took to work at Dallinger Inc. And then all throughout first year because my parents would not stop pestering me about my career choices, apparently Chemistry was just not good enough. So, yes, they well remembered. "Sure"

"Ah, well they brought it up again. I gave them the same answer and – " I felt a wave of emotion washed over my face as I thought about the following sentence, it was too close to home. Fuck. The tingles pooled into my eyes, making them glassy.

"My parents disowned me"