The softness of the sand was squishing between my toes, the breeze that came from the ocean enveloped me, and the sound of waves and its coldness that splashed my feet, washing away the sand. The moon was so luminous despite being crescent as if it doesn't want me to be in the dark, as if she's guiding me. It outshined the sparkling diamonds that were watching me. Except for the waves, the crickets are the only ones that make a noise, as if it knows that I don't want to be in silence tonight.
The wind blew harshly causing my hair and the skirt of my white cocktail dress weld sideways. But, I didn't mind it. I was just staring blankly at the horizon where the ocean and the sky meet. Thinking about how he could do it to us, how our relationship that was standing sturdy suddenly collapsed or maybe it wasn't sturdy at all and I, despite being aware, turned blind eye. What about the promises he made? Was it all empty? Was it really so easy for him to leave everything behind? Our family? His wife and daughter?
I looked down at her, she just cooed and smiled at me. She's so innocent like how he was, but it's the contrary. A soft chuckle escaped in my mouth and the welling tears threatened to escape.
I am cradling her in my arms and she's swaddled in the pink cotton blanket. "Baby, it's just you and me from now on," I said, trying hard not to sob but when she smiled more.
The tears that I had been stopping to fall, like a dam that unfortunately filled in by the heavy downpour of the ruthless storm, and Zeus suddenly decided to piled up his wrath to the wall. Poseidon gave no mercy. He rode the flood's wave like his sacred animal that caused catastrophic damage similar to what he did to me.
"We can do it together, baby," I sobbed as my tears cascaded. I looked up at the sky and sniffed.
I looked down at her when I somehow calmed down but my tears were so stubborn. "Do you wanna sleep?" I asked and she cooed again, which made me smile. "I'll sing you the lullaby,"
"Sleep oh babe for the red bee hums,"
My lips were shaky and so did my voice. It's high-pitched and deep at the same time but I am trying my best not to stutter or crack. I don't want to make it worse.
"The silent twilight fall,"
He's the one who discovered this song and surprisingly, our daughter loves it. We always sang it to her in chorus but now I am just gonna be the one who will sing it to her.
"Aoibheal from the grey rock comes,"
It makes my heart shrunk that she will grow up without him. I wish he would come back even if it's not for me. I want her to know her father. I don't want her to see her crying and ask me to ask where her father is.
"To wrap the world in thrall,"
She's getting sleepy and I couldn't help but to close my eyes. Why so unfair? She resembled him a lot. It's going to be hard to move on to him when every time I look at our daughter I see him.
"A lyan van o my child my joy,"
I swing her slowly and dearly to deepen her sleep. I kissed her forehead like how he used to.
"My l-love and heart's desire,"
I stuttered, and I cursed myself for that. He's face appeared in my mind that tightened my chest and my breathing deepened. I looked at the moon. My love.
"The crickets sing you lullabies,"
I felt like I was dancing with the waves as I sang and the moon and stars were my audience. I cradled her together when the lenient wind blew and started moving my feet, to dance slowly.
"Dusk is drawn and the green man's thorn,"
The wind and waves were my dancing buddies. I want to lose myself in the rhythm of the wind to forget about him for a while.
"Is wreathed in rings of fog,"
I know that I shouldn't stay here long because I am with her. In the first place I shouldn't drag her along with me.
"Sheevra sails his boat till morn,"
But, my mind was a mess and I unconsciously carried her with me. Maybe, it's good that she's here because I don't know what I might do when I am just alone here. The ocean was so tempting, like it wanted me to test it's depth and the moon was guiding me towards it.
"Upon the starry bog,"
Snap out of it! I will be strong for her. I can raise her on my own. One day I can find someone better than him. Someone that will not leave me no matter what. Someone that can accept me and my daughter.
"A lyan van o the paley moon,"
Like a moon, I will be her source of light in the dark and I will guide her, I'll watch her like the stars, push her out of danger like the waves, and comfort her like the wind.
"Has ringed her cusp in dew,"
I turned my back to the ocean, moon,and stars. I walked forward where the waves couldn't reach me. It's been pushing me for so long trying to stop me from testing its ocean depth.
"And weeps to hear the sad sweet song,"
I stared at the forest where the cricket's coming from and the cobblestone path to guide me to my home... our home. I'll be her father and mother, I'll work hard for her, I'll try my best for her, and I will never give up... for her.
"I sing my love to you,"
I kissed her forehead again and looked at her innocent face.
"For you,"
