Letters to My Girl *On Hold*.

Chapter Three; Shall we?

Chapter Three; Shall we?

'18th January 2024.

I'm gonna ask her, it seems so stupid to be so scared to ask, but I'm gonna try it, what do you think she'll say? I hope she agree's. How are you anyway? I miss you lots baby, I wish I could be with you, you know that. I think maybe I'll stop seeing my counsellor too, she's not helping much anymore, writing to you helps more than she does, unless you want me to carry on? I will, if you want me to, if you think I should I will I prom-'

"There you are" Lizzie said from behind me, she was holding a cup of tea again, she always had tea.

"Everything okay?" I asked, she spun me round in the chair so my back was to the screen and sat on my lap, she kissed the tip of my nose and put her arm round my back, sipping her tea. I got lost, just, for a second, staring at her, her beauty, how full of life she was even after everything that happened,

"Why are you staring at me?" she asked still sipping her tea,

"How'd you know I was?" I asked not taking my eyes from her,

"You always do" she smiled, she looked into my eyes and then behind me at my computer, "You're writing again" she said, her smile dropped,

"I'm, I'm sorry baby" I stuttered, I wrapped my arms tighter around her waist so she couldn't stand up and walk away from me like usual, I kissed her cheek a few times and then we just sat there, in silence, I could hear her breathing deep, trying to form a sentence that wouldn't hurt my feelings, she sipped her tea again then smiled at me,

"It's okay" she whispered, I was confused, and she could tell I was too, "I can kinda understand why it helps you, I mean, I've read some of the things you've written, and after you write it all down you seem to be happier, I miss that. Your smile, your laugh, they're one of the reasons I fell for you so hard, but, since...You just never smile anymore, not genuinely" she explained, she hadn't opened up to me like this in a very long time, there was something wrong and I could tell, but I wasn't going to ask, not like I used to, since...I've just learned that if she wants to talk to me about something, she will, it's strange to go back on everything, how I acted, to change it all now after 11 years of habit, but I'd rather change how I acted than lose the love of my life. She kissed me softly and then parted her lips as though to speak, "What are you going to ask me?"

"Oh, uh, hah, it's stupid I changed my mind" I said regretting writing those words,

"No c'mon" she encouraged with another kiss,

"I, was wondering if maybe, well you and Amie, wanted to come to the shop with me today? To you know, shop, for, well, shopping?" she chuckled at how nervous I was asking such a stupidly simple question, then she nodded,

"Sure, it's about time I left the house" she had started shaking, she always did at the thought of leaving, usually I'd tell her to stay home if that's what she wanted, and every single time she would, but not this time, she was coming whether she liked it or not.

She took a few deep breaths before pulling the car door handle, and stepping out into the road, I smiled as she shut it and got Amie out of the back, just like old times. "You gonna be a good girl and hold mummy and daddy's hand the whole time?" she asked Amie, Amie nodded and smiled, she opened and closed her hands signalling that she wanted to be picked up, and with that we were set. "People are looking at us weird Ash" she whispered, I was too focused on the shopping list to notice but when I looked up, people were staring, I pulled Lizzie close to me and kept my arm round her waist.

"Carry her, don't leave my side" I whispered kissing her temple lightly, she nodded picking Amie up and apologising to a person as we got in their way, "They're just, shocked to see you two out and about after everything that happened, that's all" I reassured her, she nodded and I felt her move closer to me, she was uncomfortable, but I wasn't going to leave, no, people can go to hell if they think a few looks and giggles will be enough to drive me and my family away. Down the isle was a friend of Lizzie's, Silvy, or Silvia to me, we never got on but I tried for Lizzie's sake. Lizzie called her and waved, Silvy looked straight at her and then straight past her, like she wasn't even there, I heard Lizzie mutter something and then she turned into me, hugging me tight while Amie clung to her, "Silvy, hi!" I called waving, she looked at me and smiled,

"Afternoon, Ashton" she called back, she waved and walked away, Lizzie was sobbing now, they'd been friends since they were three years old.

"Lets go pay" I mumbled. Lizzie went and stood outside while I stood in the queue, Amie was running about with a bunch of kids at the front of the checkout, "Stay where I can see you princess" I called smiling, she nodded her head and carried on playing,

"Which ones yours?" A woman said in front of me, I pointed to Amie and smiled, "Beautiful" she smiled back,

"And yours?" I asked taking an interest, I wanted to get us all talking to the people in our little town again, and this was the start, she pointed to Amie and I got confused, then a little boy appeared from behind her and it made sense. The drive home was quiet, Amie was sleeping and Lizzie was, well, silent.

Silent.

As always.