That's Not Me

Desiderium

Y/n's P.O.V

"The youngest new artist (Y/n Y/Ln) has taken over the charts. In just a day (Y/n Y/Ln) and Hailee Steinfeld have taken over the number 1 spot across all platforms"

I let out a heavy sigh turning off the TV. Since the release of Hailee's song that I was featured in, it had quickly gotten a lot of hype. The song was rapidly becoming a hit, and not just because it was a song by Hailee, but many of the positive reviews had pointed out my involvement. Suddenly the songs I had on the music platforms, that I know Hailee had something to do with, became more popular. So much so Rocque Records wanted to release an album as soon as possible. Not to mention get me into as many interviews as they could.

Now here I was with Noelle as she was going over my schedule. I am supposed to appear on so many talk shows, and preform. It all sounded fun and exciting. Slowly I was starting to feel this once distant dream of mine was coming true. I should be happy right? I should be over the moon, and excited to write more music, be on tv and see my new fan base. But I wasn't.

As I sat slouching on the couch at hangout studio, while Noelle continues to work her new management skill, or rather trying to learn a new skill.

I felt empty. Well, more like defeated.

Emily, and now Hailee suddenly decided to shoot me in the heart. Unintentionally or intentionally it didn't matter. I was wounded and I couldn't seem to get out of this slump. I tried to write music, focus on something else. Though that proved useless when all the songs I would write were songs about her. Heartbroken, and just lost, nothing but betrayal. The girl who broke me and the girl who put me back together only for her to also break me, again. Sounds like something out of a hallmark film.

"How much of my raise to fame was Hailee's involvement" I said almost in a whisper still staring off into the distant void. Noelle looked away from her laptop, as she repositioned herself on the floor to be more comfortable. She let out a heavy sigh and I knew she was thinking long and hard about the correct way to respond. "You can tell me. It's not like I can change anything now" I told her. Again Noelle sighed.

"She asked me to put your music on the major music platforms so you can get a few new listeners. I got your music from your soundcloud by the way. And yes, Hailee did give Rocque Studios your name to get a song for their movie. And now with your collab with Hailee" Noelle admitted.

I don't know why but it didn't make me feel better, but it didn't make me feel worse either. I was just numb to it all.

"So I never really stood a chance on my own." I said, more so talking to myself. As much as I hated Hailee interfering with my life, I guess most of my anger was from what Griffin said last week. About Hailee being... my childhood friend. I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to take griffins words into account because he was drunk. But he knew things only someone who knows my relationship with her would know. Once I processed that...

"Y/n, you are very talented. You would have gotten noticed eventually. Hailee just sped up the process." Noelle said.

"Why didn't she tell me? Why didn't she tell me she was my childhood friend. Why did she tell m she was-- I would have..." I stop myself unsure of what I would have done. Been happy to see her, tell her...

And like that everything hit me. I told Hailee, so much. Every time I was with her I let myself be vulnerable, showed her my scars. Well, shit.

But then again I couldn't blame her. I felt it, I should have seen the signs. Why she felt so familiar, why I yearned for her, and why I allowed my heart to speak freely only toon her. My heart knew Hailee was, my... she was a friend.