Bay of Strangers (Manila Girls #2)

Kabanata 46

Kabanata 46

Sleep

After having another dinner with River, and talking about some future plans—visiting his house in Tagaytay, buying some essentials together, and a vacation in Cebu.

While I'm listening to him, and when he asks for my opinion and my thoughts, I'll stay quuet for a few seconds. Gusto ko kasing maging maingat sa mga desisyon ko at sa mga salita ko.

Honestly, at first, I didn't like the idea of planning ahead of time. Especially, plans like this. I feel like it should be planned with someone you are in a relationship with, or with someone that you know will be there in your future. Hindi ko sinasabing hindi ko siya nakikita sa kinabukasan ko, dahil tiyak at sigurado ako na naroon siya.

However, I also dislike my thought that all of what we've planned would vanish into thin air again. I'm quite scared. Tomorrow is never promised. What if one day, we wake up and we both decided that this is not what we want? There's so many doubts that's running circles around my mind. It made my heart feel doubtful. I don't know if it's my trust issues that are talking.

Hinatid niya ako sa penthouse at nagsabing susunduin niya rin ako bukas. Pumayag na ako dahil dadalhin ko rin naman ang sasakyan ko sa casa para sa maintenance.

"How are things with you and your suitors?"

Nilingon ko si Rush. Gulo ang buhok, namumungay ang mga mata, nay hawak na whiskey at namumula ang mga labi. Umangat ang gilid ng labi niya nang makita ang nagtatakang tingin ko.

Sa malayo, nakita ko ang vinyl na umaandar. He's playing a slow tune of some classic love song.

"Suitors?" Humalukipkip ako at sumandal sa gilid na pader.

Uminom siya sa baso niya, at nilapag iyon saka sumandal sa sofa.

"You know, River and Joko."

"Hindi ko manliligaw si River."

"Aviva Kamalei, hatid sundo ka niya. He's ready to be at your bidding. After so many years, he found you again, and he's willing to be better for you. Do you seriously think that he's here just because he wants to be friends with you?"

"Iyon ang sabi niya..."

"Lei, alam kong mahal mo pa rin si River."

"Huh?" Pagmaang-maangan ko.

Hindi ko pa rin kasi iyon hayagang maamin sa sarili ko. My mind's been touching that for weeks, but I haven't admitted it. I wanted to take my time, our time... and be chill about it. I know there's still a whole lot of love inside me, that's only for River—with that I am sure. But I can't just throw myself at him again. I want to see how he'll make a way for both of us. I think it's only fair that I let him do it on his own terms, and I'm going to put my faith on him despite everything. Despite the fact that he left me.

He told me he'll earn my trust again, and it's happening. He told me he wants to be a better person. He told me he wants to make up for all the years, and for all that he did. He told me, he'll tey. I believe all of those things, not just because I love him, but I believe in him as a person.

Pero isa lang talaga ang sigurado ako ngayon. Kung sakali mang ibibigay ko muli sa kanya ang pagmamahal ko, sisiguraduhin ko na karapat-dapat siya sa lahat ng ibibigay ko.

"My feet hurts,"

"Hmm, sit here," Tinapik niya ang space sa sofa.

Umupo ako sa tabi niya. Nilapag ko ang bag sa mesa at inangat ang paa ko. Kinuha naman niya ang paa ko at pinadiretso ako ng upo. Nilapag niya sa hita niya ang mga paa ko at marahang minasahe iyon.