What do you think...?

What do you think about...?

Hye, its Hana. No... Not Hannah Baker from 13 Reasons Why. Just Hana. Fullstop. And I am pretty much alive. As for now, I guess. Well if you watched the series you will know what happened to Hannah Baker but I am not here to copy the she did, and not to justify her actions. Because I knew in every actions comes consequences.

Okay. So I am not gonna blabber more. I just wanted to talk. About suicide. What do you think about suicide? Have you ever been thinking about it? Of course, we live in a nation that Islam is the national religion, I get it. But some actions cannot be justified just with logic. Especially when it comes to emotions and psychological.

I have a cousin. Yes I used 'have' instead of 'had' because she seems pretty much alive until now. Her name is Nuha. She comes from a very religious family where she get religion education from I guess the day she came out from her mother's womb. I do envy her sometimes. She looks... calm and peace with her life.

Nevertheless, not every day you will the sun shine out bright from the sky. Sometimes the smile of the sun hidden somewhere along the clouds. And sometimes, the sky itself cried and bringing some storm down. So do her life.

She just turned 17 the last time I met her. Oh, I needed to mention that her parents don't seem to like me because I was the free and rebellious type of girl. But Nuha insisted me to be friends with her because she is not the kind of judgmental person. So I stay.

Every time I met her, she always mumbles about studying abroad, probably to Mesir to study further about our religion. Well that is good for her to know that. The way I see her, she is very determined about studying and her own future, so as a cousin and a friend, I will be behind her back.

But some cliché thought in the society will not died instantly even when it hits 2050 am I right? Her father is objecting her determination and her love towards knowledge. Saying that women should stay at home. Should be the mother of her children. Should be the home to breed a new and good generation.

For a moment I was frozen. Yes, I get it. But how will a woman wanted to be the change and to produce a good generation if she herself couldn't get a proper education she wants?

For God sake, I could say nothing the moment Nuha cried to her father's decision. She just sat inside her room, cried, alone. The moment I got into her room, she hid her cry behind a smile. Ironic? It is.

And I could not believe until now that the girl with a strong religion belief will do something foolish like attempting suicide.

But when you have no emotional support, everything is possible in every way, isn't it?Want me to continue the story? How Nuha almost died?

Your call.

Okay. Here it is.

It wasn't her father's decision to not to send her away for further studies that make her wanted to end her life. It was the next decision that her father did.

It kills her inside.

Her father decided to marry her with an ustaz that is well known to her family. A young, pious man who are believed will manages a good baitul muslim that will lead her to Jannah.

Sound cliché huh?

That is not over.

What concern me and Nuha was the man had the same thought as her father. A woman should stay home. No going out without her father/ husband's permission. Feeding the kids. Trying to educate a good ummah start from home. Believe me in our thoughts, it is not an ideal case.I did a little research. For the sake of Nuha, I did. And I found out the truth about the man. Who is he?