Lend Me Your Heart

Eleven

I was embarrassed, crying in front of him after he just hit me.  He just stood there, saying nothing. He was frozen.

I knelt to the ground; my chest heaving while my shoulders shook up and down. I gasped for air, my diaphragm spazzing uncontrollably.  I was humiliated and terrified, praying he wouldn’t touch me like that again. He took a step towards me, making me flinch because I thought he was going to hit me again.

“I’m sorry!” I gasped in-between sobs, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

The only reason I was apologizing was so he wouldn’t hurt me again.

I stumbled up into a standing-position and staggered towards the door without saying another word to him and ran out of the building.

“Layne!” I could hear him call down the stairs, his voice cracking, “Layne!”

My stomach churned with confused feelings: anger, fear, and pain. But, his voice was so harsh it just made me want to run faster. So I did. I ran as fast as I could across campus, trying to get to the Dance Barn before Zach could catch up with me, but it didn’t take long before he did. At least I could say I tried.

His hand caught my shoulder, making me flinch. I squinted, praying he wasn’t going to touch me again.

“Layne, please. I’m not going to hurt you,” he said breathed, his voice cracking in pain ever so slightly, “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

I shook my head and looked at the ground, gasping for air.

“I never wanted to hurt you,” he said, a tear falling from his eye. “I didn’t mean it—I didn’t mean to do that.”

“Then what did you mean to do?” I said, failing at the attempt to cover up my tears.

“It was just careless. I’m sorry,” he cried, endless tears falling from his cheeks.

I knew if I just forgave him, things would go back to normal…or at least slightly more normal than things are now. But, did I really want to stay with someone who kept hurting me?

“I’m so sick of it!” I yelled at him, “I thought you wanted to start over!”

“I do, Layne! I do!” he sobbed, embracing me in an iron hug. “I can’t loose you. Not you, too. You’re all I have left.”

“If I’m all you have left, why did you hit me?”

“I’m so sorry, honey. I’m so sorry,” he whispered, his hand combing through the hair that fell down my back. Of course, my heart skipped a beat when he called me honey, but I still had conflicting feelings.

“You do realize all I did was invite you over for Christmas, right? And then you got so angry with me and I just…I just-” I stuttered before bursting into tears again.

“I know. I know. You just wanted to make sure I was okay and happy. You did what every good girlfriend would do and I did something no guy should ever do, especially to a girl like you, Layne. It was a stupid, careless mistake. I realize that. I’m so sorry.”

He was so good at talking things out whenever he was apologizing to me. He had a way with words; I’ll give him that. I looked up into his bright, blue eyes that were electrified by the orange, setting sun behind him. If beauty could kill, I would’ve been dead on the spot.

“I trusted you,” I said. “You get so angry when other people hurt me, so why would you hurt me? God…of all people. I just don’t get it, Zach.”

“I did it out of negligence and I’m sorry, Layne. Please.”

“Please what?”

“Forgive me! Please forgive me, Layne. Please.”