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Part 1

I am scared. Scared of everything, scared of life, what life could do to me; how it could destroy me. People scare me, I have put up walls to protect myself from them, but people just keep finding their way through. It wasn't my fault that I was terrified of having anyone understand me, it was just the way I was. 

My parents dont understand me, my mum is a bitch. She tells me off for the most mundane things; that "its for my own good" but I dont believe her. To be honest, I dont believe anyone. Not even myself. I tell lies and mistruths to hide the real fact that I am sensitive. I get hurt. I cry and 3am or in the shower where no one can hear me because I am broken. I don't know how ot fix myself either. There are three things in life that make me feel better through the anxiety, depression and pain. Booze, drugs and skating. I love skating, it makes me feel alive, it takes me away from all of the heartbreak, the suffering, the pain. I love booze, it dulls me, my senses, my surroudnings, makes me feel whole again. I love drugs, weed mostly. It helps me feel happy again, helps me feel like life has sufficed my full purpose, if I even had one. 

This is my life, as I see it. Through my eyes.

I live in a quet street, in a quiet suburb with quiet neighbours. My house was renovated recently, modernised. It had been rendered in a sort of greyish colour. I think my mum was waiting for this to happen for a long time, but then again she is always pushing my dad for things. Like she owns us all, like we are hers, her possesions. I have 2 younger brothers. 

TO BE CONTINUED...