Taehyung had stood in front of Jin's casket, holding onto his hand as he didn't dare let it go. He was the last one to go up, not wanting to stare at his body, that lied in the casket with a pale look. He didn't want to remember that Jin, who's skin was paler than snow, who's eyes didn't open as if he wanted to sleep more, who's smile didn't grow as it used to before.
"Hyung..you're not asleep this time..huh?..Yeontan misses you, you need to wake up to see him.." Taehyung cried as he tightly held Jin's hand. His mother noticed his cries, holding onto his shoulders as he told him it was time to go.
"I don't want to..let me go!!" He yelled, scaring his mother and the others with his voice. His mother backed up a bit, walking up to her husband, him putting his arm around her.
As everyone kept silent, Taehyung stared back at Jin, smiling as tears ran down his cheeks. More and more came out, making his vision get blurry. Everyone stared at him, feeling a sort of guilt and empathy, it was hard to stare at him, but they couldn't seem to stare away. Taehyung, he felt the stares, but he didn't seem to care. He stood by Jin's side, staring at his closed eyes, his smile going away as he knew, he was gone.
...
As they let the casket go down into the hole, Taehyung held onto his shirt tightly. His heart began to beat rather painfully, his air felt as if it was about to go away, it felt suffocating, he wasn't liking it. His vision was blurry as before, feeling the wetness from his tears come down.
"Do..do you want to say something to him before they pull him down?.." Taehyung' mother said, taking a deep, broken sigh with a nod. All eyes were on him. He held the same tulips from before, walking up to Jin's closed casket, smiling as he imagined Jin in it.
He imaged his sweet rosy cheeks, the smile that brought him joy, the eyes that sparkled even in the darkness, the hair that shine like never before. He imaged him smiling back at him, with his teeth showing the brightness of their whiteness. Taehyung yet cried, his smile still not falling from his mouth as his tears fell from his eyes, to his cheeks, and onto the floor. Placing the tulips on top of the other flowers, he spoke.
"To my dear love, who'll I'll kept close in my heart, knowing I can reach up to you..even if I'm now alone" turning away and onto his mother's shoulder, his soft cries were heard by everyone. Their hearts broke as they heard Taehyung's words, knowing how much he truly loved him.
As silence arose, Taehyung felt a hand on his back, turning around to see Ken, who wore a black suit, opening his arms, the same way Seok-joong did. Taehyung gladly accepted his hug, falling into his arms as all he could think of, was how much, Jin's soul left his body.
Taehyung never wanted to blame the truck that hit Jin, he knew the driver never had the intentions to do so, he just wished it had never happened. He planned many things to do with him after he proposed, kissing him being the first, and telling both of their families being the last one. He wanted to hug Jin, more now and tightly. He regret so much things, not hugging him more earlier that day, not telling him how much he loved him, he regret a lot of things, yet to believe he had so much time to do so, didn't know it was all going to end up like this.
"Cry Taehyung..Jin wouldn't want you to keep it all in.." Ken said, his arms tightly holding onto Taehyung. He understood him, he was heartbroken by the news he received, his best friend of ten years, dying in a run over. Devastating as the news were, he knew Taehyung felt worse.
No person should lose the ones they love the most, but sometimes, we can't decide that for others. We don't know why they leave, we always question why it had to be them and not us, but sometimes, questions don't always get answered, we just got to accept that they'll never be an answer. No one says to move on quickly and be as if nothing happen, one says, it hurts, it pains, but we heal eventually.
"It hurts.." Tae said, sniffing as his tears uncontrollably let out. Ken hummed, silently crying as all he could do, was hug Taehyung as he had no words of comfort. The best comfort he could do, was hug him, and Taehyung accept it.
"Let it out.." as those words came out of Ken's mouth, Tae cried out more than ever. His tiredness, stress, sadness, all coming out at once. It was as if they were all three racing to see who came out first.
Screaming and crying, it was all Taehyung could do. Nothing brought Jin back, and he knew that, but couldn't accept it, he just couldn't. His head was hurting, his crying for the past hours made it worse. He wanted to go home, lay in bed and not come out of it. He hated being outside, not in the comfort of what used to be their home.
Even with Ken's hug, he felt empty. He felt as if no one stood by his side, his heart suffocating in such despair, not being able to breathe. Taehyung's cries made Ken cry, hiding his face as he didn't want to be seen with such a face. He wanted everything to go away, everything to just be seen as a horrible nightmare, but was it possible?
"Who said he could leave?..huh?.." Taehyung sniffed his tears, letting go of Ken as he saw the casket had already gone down, and they were putting the dirt back on top of it. His heart broke more, seeing that he couldn't see the casket no more. Falling to the ground as he scared the others, Taehyung blankly stared as the workers put the last of the dirt onto the ground, patting it firmly.
"Honey..it's time to go.." his mother said, reaching her hands out to him, only for them to get smacked away. He didn't say a word, but didn't spare a glance at her either. She hummed and sighed. Turning to his father, they all started to leave, leaving Taehyung on the ground, holding a small box.
Everyone else started to leave, Jin's parents and brother leaving with Ken as they didn't want to stay in the same place their dead son was in. As Taehyung was left alone, he opened the box, taking out the small, diamond ring, placing it on top of the dirt. He smiled with a single tear coming down his cheek.
"I was planning on asking you that day..had you..ah..let's not think that way.." Taehyung tried his best to think positive, but it was getting harder as he thought of it more and more.
"I know it's stupid..but.." he stopped with his words. Was it even sane to say it?
"I miss you.." wrong, he knew that wasn't what he wanted to say. But no one knew. He sighed. Picking up on of the rings, he placed in on his middle finger, smiling as he stared at the stone that stood in front of him
'Here lies, Kim Seokjin, who's in name we remember, in our minds and hearts' it said. He hadn't even turn 30, and he was gone. The stone was just like the others, gray and old looking, but Taehyung still thought it was the prettiest out of all. Not because Jin was his lover, or maybe it was that, but he could just not stop staring at it.
As much as he wanted to get up and leave, to go cry at home on his bed, his body wouldn't move at all. His body was placed in front of the stone, that gave its shine to Tae. Rubbing his hands together, he laid on the ground, staring at the sky, that bloomed with it's blue and white clouds that was with it. He remembered watching the sky with Jin at times, and to think he was going to do it alone, he would have spent more time watching it with him.
