Suicide was the best thing I've ever done

Chapter 2: I'm not crazy.

      "Hanna!" My mother screeches. Ouch, just ouch. It's way too noisy. I can't even begin to focus on anything with all of this noise. I bring my palms to my ears and press them together, trying to stop the pounding voices. Without thinking, I start to scream. I believe it was out loud, but I'm not sure. My hands to my head, my screams filling the air, telling everyone to stop. To stop talking. To stop comforting. To stop what they're doing. Turn off these monitors. Turn off your voices. Turn. It. Off.

      My mom grabs my wrists and forces my hands into my lap. Pain. The cuts. She grabbed them. So much pain. I scream louder pushing my mom off of me. "You're hurting me!" I yell, "Stop it!" She lets go of me when the doctors start running into my room. Why'd it take so long for them to arrive? Did they even hear me screaming? Could anyone hear me? The doctor came over with a needle, pushing the clear liquid into the IV in my right arm. I started to feel loopy as he discussed something with my mother. Sedation. She had them sedate me? I'm not crazy, just tired and overwhelmed. Just done with everything. Why can't she understand that?

      I wake up and it's an hour later, my head pounding and my throat sore. From screaming? Who knows, but my mom was gone and my room was empty. The monitor was on, but it wasn't beeping anymore. They must've gotten my message. At least now it was quiet, fairly still. I sat up in the hospital bed and looked at the blue checkered sheets that lay over my lap. I hate hospitals. I can't believe mom even brought me here with what happened last time we stepped foot in this place. I never wanted to be in a hospital ever again and I still don't. I hate the smell, the sounds, the stupid checkered blankets, the doctors, all of it. I have to get out. I looked down at my body next, lifting the drapes that hid it. "I'm real" I realized. I'm here and I'm alive, but I wish I wasn't. After releasing the blanket I glance over at my wrists, which are bandaged now with what looks to be 5 layers of medical gauze. I try to swing my feet over the edge of the bed, but they don't budge. They move but somethings holding me still in bed. I throw the blanket off my body to see what's restricting me here. A handcuff, a matted handcuff, cuffed to my right ankle and the ending bar of the gurney I'm on. I'm not crazy. I don't need to be chained up like a crazy person, like an animal. I can't believe my mother let them do this to me.

      I throw my head back on the pillow in disbelief. I'm not a danger to anyone. Why do they have to chain me to my bed? I feel like I was kidnapped, like in one of those weird Wattpad fan fictions. What an absolute nightmare. My mom walks through the curtains, hands blazing but her eyes filled with more fury. "I can't believe you." She whisper yells in my direction. "Suicide?" she pushed, "what the hell were you thinking." I was thinking I wouldn't have to see that threatening eyebrow tilt again, but here we are. I couldn't even fathom the energy to care about her right now. All I could do was stare at the ceiling blankly, no thoughts running through my mind. 4 hours. That's how long I stared at the dusty roof of the hospital for, thoughtless.

     
      The kidnapper- doctor entered the room, parting the curtains as he waltzed, swinging his dark hair out of his face dramatically. At least he looks like a doctor, with his nerdy glasses and flat lifeless hair. I jilt my head towards him as he walks and talks to my mom about "next steps". The next step is for me to go home, get into my bed with my journal, and adjust my plan so that this doesn't happen again. Like a fun suicide scientist, journaling her findings and theories. Except when I do succeed, the journal won't have an end result. No conclusion. I'm okay with that though, some books are better left un-finished anyways. "I'm right here." I whisper. They both adjust their attention to me. They heard me, they actually heard me.

"What was that Han?" My mom asks me.

"I'm right here." I say louder, "You can discuss my suicide with me. Can you not?" I direct my question towards the doctor. He's the only one who should have a say in what I do next. Not my mother, not some random friend that my mom trusted in telling my affairs to. Just me and the one with a medical degree.

"Of course" he states worriedly, glancing at my mother before taking a step towards me. "I'm doctor Chen, I treated you when your mother brought you in here last night." he explained. I'm surprised she brought me in, there was probably press everywhere and I'm sure I'm on every headline by now. "Aspiring actress Maria Miller looses daughter to suicide last night" is what I'd put. Well, what I wish I could put. "Your mom thinks that a psychiatric facility would do you some good. What do you think?" He continues, abruptly pulling me out of my thoughts. What? What does that even mean? I look to my mom, clearly showing her the puzzled tilt of my eyebrows and the scrunch of my nose.

Then she speaks, "A psych ward honey, you should go to the psych ward."

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Authors Notes

Welcome to the official storyline of the novel!! Let's recap shortly. Our main character, Hanna Miller tries to kill herself (duh), but fails. When she finally wakes up, she's told that her mom thinks she should be admitted to the psych ward. Hmm...

Also, if you find any grammar and/or punctuation mistakes, POINT THEM OUT! I normally try to be very strict about my grammar and things, so if you see a problem please correct me in the comments.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments, don't forget to vote and I'll see you soon <3

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