Would you believe me if I had told you I made lies and ruined friendships with people that I care about? Although you know I can honestly say this is the first time that I have wanted to talk about my past. When I look at where I was over a year ago I would have never said that I would be here today.
My name is Brittany and no I am not the skinniest girl nor the prettiest. No, I am not the smartest or the best kid anyone wants to be around. I have gotten arrested and yes I have slept with several guys. That’s when everyone I knew had turned their backs on me only a few people stuck with me. Before I moved I was at a point where I didn’t care if I was around to see my little sisters grow up and I got to tell you those little girls are my world. I turned to drinking and to drugs when I knew I only had few friends that wanted to be around me anymore. My life was a disappointment, something that I didn’t even want to be around. Although there was those good days, when I was actually semi-sober and I wasn’t all that concentrated on the drugs and alcohol.
I was in 8th grade when I really first started to get bullied and well I got to tell you that someone I knew hacked my bebo and said that I was a lesbian. I woke up the next day to read that on my account. My friend Shelby, well yeah I was at her house and she read it too. Everyone in the school read it and I was told that I was a horrible person and that I wouldn’t live to see the day. They were cruel and bitter; I went forth and deleted my profile. To this day I wish I would have stuck through the bullying, but sometimes it just doesn’t work out that way. Later that year, the bullying got worse I got a little stronger though and when I did I started not to care what anyone had to say. Still 8th grade second semester just started, a new girl walked in the doors like she was hot stuff, I Immediately walked over to her and took her in as a friend. That was a bad idea though my life was ruined because of her or so I thought. I, later learned that I couldn’t blame everything on someone that yes I had a part of too. Anyway Chasity was her name and she was a good friend for the first couple weeks than it was like she didn’t care. She started in on the drama, that’s really when things got bad. Chasity, my definition of her is low, uncaring, rude, etc. She tried to ruin friendships and then introduced me to marijuana and alcohol. My world would soon just revolve around those drugs and alcohol. I was expelled on Tuesday January 12,2010; my explosion hearing was the worst time of my life. My uncle was my lawyer and came to defend me. I got one month community service, eight months out of school, and a very locked down schedule till the summer. All I know is after that situation I took it to the next level. I started to hang out with the wrong crowd. Alcohol became a drug to me in the summer of 2010. I had been drunk for the first time ever. Snuck out in the same night got caught and the next day was arrested. I had stayed with my grandma for a couple of days, but you know that didn’t help. My dad and I, well our relationship got worse; more fights, more ignoring, and more leaving. I hated it, but that’s what I got for starting in on all the drugs.
Now it’s my freshman year, I still was getting in trouble. I started to skip after my grades started to drop and well it wasn’t that hard to go out the side door of the school after lunch period or tell my dad I didn’t feel all that well. All I wanted to do was party. When it was that way I couldn’t believe it at all. I thought that drinking was the answer to my problems, but it wasn’t. The drugs weren’t the answer either. I didn’t know the answer to my problems. Looking in all the wrong places I soon began to think sleeping with different guys was okay; that wasn’t it either. I drank every day; I put myself in situations that shouldn’t have been put there. I lost more and more friends by the days that went on. I couldn’t get grip on this partying thing. My life could have been great. I ruined it for myself though when I got into that bad crowd. The guys that I was involved with were much older than me anywhere between 18-25. They could have got in so much trouble just because I was acting like a child. 15 years old and immature is what I was. I thought partying would take away all that pain that I had caused for myself. I than was never the same; soon enough after the police had been call to our house several times SRS got involved. The situation had got to the point where I was in a foster home and protective custody.
You know as a teenager I never knew what to expect. Those times that I was in foster care, I really doubted my dad even cared I was there. My dad he was a big part of my problem as I am pretty sure I mentioned before, but all those times I thought that I could blame everything on him. Although a lot of the times the cops got called was because of him I thought the blame was towards him. I honestly can’t believe where I have ended up two years later!
I have had a writer’s block since I moved to Princeton and honestly I am glad that it’s gone because I am able to write about all the things that have gone on in my life. Although I may write about it now it was my story and it is still hard to talk about it. My story is very interesting. Even though I joke about some stories here and there doesn’t by any means, mean my life was good in Bonner because yes there were very difficult times that I had. No one could ever understand how things went.
The stories that I joke about, those I use to cope with all the bad things that ended up happening . Like this one time I remember when I was drunk that I went from one of my friends houses with other friends and well let me tell you being drunk and half naked climbing a rock pile wasn’t the best thing ever because well I fell down, almost puked in my ex’s truck, and well I could have hurt myself doing that because I ended up getting a really bad road rash down the side of my thigh. You know those kinds of things like when I was drunk or high, just plain being stupid. A girl like me doing stuff like that wasn’t right. I have many memories that I could laugh at all day when I was drunk or high that I could try to sit here and explain to you, but I honestly think that you would laugh at some of the stories that I want to tell you. I am a seventeen year old, who has been in more situations than I should have had to.
Anyone ever heard of an annoying drunk well that’s kind of what I was. I use to get very rude when I was drinking which got annoying and that was before I learned not to eat before I drank. I remember this one night that I was at a friend’s house and oh god did I want to get with him. Of course I did, but his friend really liked me and wanted to get with me and well his friend and I quote “I will help you get with him, if you let me get with you.” Well what did I do get with him because I wanted that other guy so bad. That honestly I was willing to do whatever it took. That night was good although I got annoying to some people. I ended up meeting this really good guy and we talked all night. He said I was the only girl that he has ever talked to like that. We sat down there with a beer in one of our hands and a cig in the other and just stayed there the whole night.
That guy that I was just talking about I ended up finding out that his girlfriend was cheating on him and I told him about what she did. He embraced me in the biggest hug ever. We looked deeply into each other’s eyes and kissed. He did everything with me like he meant it. When he kissed me that was something else, but what I found funny is he told me he loved me while we were having sex. That guy was something else I got to tell you that he made me feel good about myself.
You know what?! I have been with so many guys I don’t care whatever I did in Bonner made me the person I am today. I am now in a good place happy that’s all I can ask for. At seventeen years old, I am just about done with high school. I start college January 2013 at Neosho County Community College. I am not only proud for what I have become but WHO I HAVE BECOME! Two years ago you could have walked up to me and I would have told you to fuck off, but now I will tell you that I am not the same person I was. I am open about my past about pretty much everything. I may still party sometimes , but I do not do it all the time anymore. That’s all I have to say about my past life, but my next journey will be through adult hood.
