The Last Time

I couldn't believe it. It was all over, years just gone in a flash. I didn't know how I was going to survive it. 

I was so angry. How could someone not know? And if they don't know, then why just give up? 

Maybe I was just angry at myself...

Chris left me after five years together because he had no clue on how to help me deal with my depression. I'm still dealing with it and his absence hasn't made it any better. In fact, it made it worse...especially when I got his wedding invitation in the mail... I ended up throwing it in the trash.

"Are you doing any better since our last session?" My therapist asked me. 

"Not really." I shrugged from the couch I sat on. She gave me a fascinated look. I felt like a monkey, her test animal to see what worked and what didn't. "I just feel completely numb. The Zoloft is doing absolutely nothing." I sighed, trying not to look her straight in the eyes. 

"Did you do your 'homework' we decided on?" She asked. I just wanted to get up and leave.

"I'm not getting rid of everything. I don't want to erase him from my memory." I angrily sassed her with hints of utter despair in my voice. 

Therapy was pointless. Dating was pointless. I try my hardest to keep him off my mind but as the wedding day gets closer and closer I can't seem to get him out of my brain. 

It doesn't help that I drive passed his place to get home from therapy. Every week I have to slow down and stare, now seeing his car and whoever he's marrying's car. Today, I had to stop.

I pulled up to the side of the curb, not a car was in sight. I just stared. This was the place where I spent the last few years of my life. This house was a home to me and I just couldn't let it go. I dazed off for a few minutes, examining the changes that made my skin crawl. 

That's when a small tap on my passenger side window shook me out of my daze. I looked over to see Chris giving me a pathetic, pitiful smile.

"Hey." His muffled voice came through the closed window. I immediately rolled it down. 

His car was now in the driveway...how embarrassing. I just wanted to curl up into a ball in my driver's seat.

"Hi." I blushed, trying to act as happy as I could to see his face. He hadn't changed a bit.

"What are you doing here?" I could tell he was doing the same thing as I was.

"Oh, just reminiscing. I was about to leave." I chuckled awkwardly.

"I mean, you could come in." He shrugged. "I'm not expecting anyone."

"Are you sure? What about your fiancée?" I really did not want to meet anyone new, especially the future wife of the one I loved.

"You didn't get the letter, did you?" Chris winced as I grew confused.

"I haven't gotten anything." I shook my head, genuinely concerned and confused.

"The wedding's been called off." He sighed, leaning on the door where the window once was.

"Oh my gosh, I'm sorry." My eyes widened. I hated seeing him so upset. "What happened?"

"Why don't you come in." He giggled, backing up and heading to his front door. I turned the car off and followed him inside. 

Everything was where we left it, the same decorations, the same smells, the same everything. It was as if our break-up hadn't happened.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" I asked Chris as he and I took our shoes off at the door.

"She was a cheater, (Y/N)." He looked at me with a disappointed look. I could tell he was very pained. 

"So, you called off the wedding?" I wondered, feeling a little bit too intrusive.

"No. She did...to be with her guy about three months ago." He rolled his eyes, a little bit of a growl in his voice. 

"Are you okay?" Stupid question. I immediately regretted it.

"Well, sort of." Chris grinned, motioning for me to walk into the living room with him. "Now that you're here I feel an overwhelming sense of peace." He plopped down on the couch next to me.

"That's strange." I blushed, already feeling my heart pound for the man I'd been separated from for only a year. 

"I don't think so." I felt his arm that was around the back of the couch start to play with my hair. I giggled nervously, shuttering from the feeling. "Sorry." He pulled away.

"You're fine." I continued to feel my face get hotter and hotter. "I've missed you a lot. You're the main subject in my therapy sessions." I stared away from him, looking at my hands, my fingernails falling apart from anxiety.

"I've missed you, too." His voice was shaking slightly. "I'm sorry I didn't know how to deal with it or help you. I've always been the one who needed help...I didn't know how to give it."

"It's not your fault." I mumbled, bringing my eyes back to his. 

"Are you still..." Chris trailed off, hesitating.

"Yeah. But I think that's only because I miss you." I chuckled at the thought. I felt so pathetic.

"You know we could try again." His response was immediate. I nearly had a heart attack.

"What?" I nearly shrieked, my voice cracking as his words nearly threw me off of the couch.

"We could try again." He repeated, something about him felt genuine.

Without hesitation...I accepted. Suddenly it felt like a part of me had returned, a major part. As the days went by I stopped feeling tired all of the time while Chris kept me on my feet. I started hanging out with friends and going to shows and going on tour. Before I knew it...another year had gone by and my tortured mind had been long forgotten.

Here I stand now, at an altar with the man I love holding my hands, his make-up done better than mine as usual. All eyes are on us even though it feels like Chris and I are the only two people in the world. I had no idea that things could change...