The Day He Left Me

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead. Its peaceful; calming like the shade of blue, unlike the storm brewing in my mind as I open my eyes once again. The sky was different today. Some might think it's a good thing, bright blue littered with the suns glimmering rase, it was everything but.
Against my palm's, blades of grass brush softly against my skin, soothing the whispers in the back of my head turning them into nothing but a dull ache. Under the suns mocking gaze, anxiety ripples throughout my body. It had been a while since we had talked. James and I. I had to tell him today before the whispers turned to shouts, shouts turning into screams, tormenting me into insanity. The world turns grey.
"you're not good enough," the monsters mumble.
"No one would ever love you," it starts to whisper.
"He would never love you," I scream inside.
Laughter interrupts my thoughts, lulling it all back down to a dull ache once again.
I see him across the field, only I could spot him from the far away. Chocolate eyes, windswept hair, face tinged red as the sun kisses his skin. A smile played on my lips until my eyes spotted the red headed beauty beside him. The world turned grey once again. I try to be happy for him I truly do, but when your world becomes someone else's your world drops dead. He was supposed to meet with me today. It was supposed to be our day. A day for just us, no other distractions just like we had planned, underneath the old sycamore tree. His dazzling eyes were supposed to meet my dull grey. And they did.
One second, two seconds, three. Gone. Iv turned into a ghost. Transparent to the world around me.
He forgot. He forgot.
I knew I wasn't important enough.
I know I'm not important.
The shouts inside my head get louder, louder, louder. I'm sorry, I think I made all this up inside my head. I'm sorry please forgive me. I begin to mumble incoherently, hands beginning to shake. I can't take the feeling anymore, the burning sensation trickles down my spinal cord, running to all ends of my body. I stumble to my feet.
"left, right, left, right," I mumble to myself forcing my body to move forwards.
I need to get out. I need to leave.
"Faye, FAYE!" I hear him shout my name, my subconscious willing me to stop.
My legs push forward, one two, one two. The sun begins to suffocate me, the heat forcing me to slow down, restrained to the earth. The clouds begin to rumble. I hear his feet echoing forward from behind me. He suddenly grasps my waist forcing me to turn around and face him.

His chocolate colored eyes meet mine, worry evident as they flicker between my own. He opens his mouth to speak but clamps it shut as he takes notice of the tear running down my cheek. He didn't know I was a ticking time bomb ready to explode. He didn't know my world was crashing, crashing, burning down in flames.
"I promised," he mumbles, fingers twitching in anticipation of my delayed reaction.
"it's ok," I whisper, a chuckle escaping my lips, "I know I'm not her."
I stare past his head, noticing a crowd of people gathered near the old sycamore. Our old sycamore, the one no one else knew about. Laughter, happiness, friendship evident as the group dances around the tree. I had that once. Now its all gone. The red headed beauty shouts James's name, waving him over as the group shouts in glee. I see the longing in his eyes, as he waves back. I shuffle backwards. Left, right, left, right.
His head snaps back towards mine, the smile vanishing from his face.
"tell me... you, you said there was something I needed to know?" confusion and worry plastered across his face.
"It doesn't matter anymore," I state quickly as another tear falls from my eye. "it'll all be over by the morning."
The dull ache returns, my mind tormenting me with dangerous thoughts.
"it's ok," I whisper to James
"everything is going to be ok," I mumble to the skyline, my body pulling me to the edge of the earth.
I turn back to James, lips pulled into a grim smile as I take in his worried stare. He looks back to the group near the sycamore tree, his lips twitch into a smile as he takes notice of his friends' laughter. He slowly turns back to me sorrow displayed through his face.
"I'll see you tomorrow?" he questions beginning to walk back towards the group.
"yeah tomorrow..." I trail off.
Unknown to him there would be no tomorrow. The monsters in my mind had run their course. The screaming the shouting the pain I just want it to stop. Stop. STOP. I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.