"She weeps bitterly in the night, with tears on her cheeks; among all her lovers she has none to comfort her; all her friends have dealt treacherously with her; they have become her enemies." (Lamentations 1:2 ESV)
I've always had long hair. So when I decided to get a pixie cut, there were many questions to be asked. The most commonly asked being "Why?". Usually girls drastically cut their hair to try to get over a boy. That's exactly what I was trying to do. Lose a piece of myself that was broken beyond repair. But my story is different.
It's not about romance. It's about death. Yes, I'm getting over a boy. Yes, it's because he broke my heart, but only because he decided that this life was too much for him. Koby Joseph Hruza was amazing. Sarcastic, loyal, kind and funny, he was everything to look for in a friend. He had piercing chocolate eyes that seems to penetrate even the darkest corners of your soul. He had muscular arms from playing so much hockey and when he bear-hugged you, you couldn't breathe. How I wish that I could have one of those hugs again.
He smelled like pine trees and dreams. Like fresh cut grass and hope. But that was all ripped away on May 13, 2014. 5 days before my birthday. I knew something was off when he didn't show up at the band concert the night before. I should have payed more attention to how depressed and distant he was becoming. But I didn't. I'm not blaming this on myself, but I always think that maybe there was something more I could do.
Now that's it's been almost a year, I don't miss him any less. And cutting my hair didn't make that part of me disappear, it just changed it. Changed it from bitter and sad to hopeful and cleansed. So this is me.
"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. The cords of death encompassed me; the torrents of destruction assailed me;
In my distress I called upon the Lord; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears." (Psalm 18:2, 4, 6 ESV)
-Abagail Lofgren-
UPDATE: A year has come and gone quickly, but it's not getting any easier with time. If it's possible for it to get worse, I think it is. Miss you Koby, see you soon :)
