AN OPEN LETTER TO DEPRESSION

AN OPEN LETTER TO DEPRESSION

TO DEPRESSION, HEY! WASSUP!!! , HAHA A VERY GOOD MORNING TO YOU EVEN IF IT'S NOT THAT GOOD. OKAY, SO I'VE DECIDED TO GET RID OF YOU. WELL, I GUESS IT'S PRETTY HARSH TO SAY THAT BUT I'M CERTAINLY GETTING RID OF YOU YES! YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT I'M GOING TO GET FREEDOM FROM YOU. NOW I'VE DECIDED TO ACCEPT MYSELF, I'M GOING TO VALUE MY SELF. I'M GOING TO CHANGE MY HABITS FROM NOW ON AND I WILL! SO, EVERY MORNING I USED TO BE IN MY BED REMINISCING THE MEMORIES WHICH USED TO TRAUMATIZED MY SELF, WHICH USED TO TAKE ALL OF MY CONFIDENCE DOWN, WHICH MADE ME FEEL I SHOULD GIVE UP ON ME AND RATHER YOU GAVE YOUR DAILY REMINDER THAT I AM THE MERITLESS PERSON ON THIS PLANET WHICH MADE ME FEEL TIRED AND LET ALL OF MY CONFIDENCE DEGENERATE .SO THAT'S ENOUGH! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH I AM GOING TO FIGHT WITH YOU, YES, THIS IS NO MORE THAN A WORLD WAR BETWEEN TWO DIFFERENT SELVES OF MINE COZ I WANT TO GET STRIP OF YOU YES COZ I'M A STRONG, INDEPENDENT GIRL WHO DOES NOT DEPEND ON ANYONE AND NEVER WILL. I WOKE UP FROM THE BED, IT WAS DIFFICULT WELL IT FELT LIKE I HAD TO OVERCOME A BROBDINGNAGIAN MOUNTAIN. I SCREAMED, SHOUTED AND STARTED SHIVERING COZ I REMINDED YOU TELLING ME TO GO TO SLEEP AND START MEMORIZING ALL THE BROKEN MEMORIES WHICH I TRIED FORGETTING IT WHICH MADE ME FEEL I AM WORTHLESS, EMBARRASSED ABOUT THE WAY I LOOK MADE ME FEEL UNWORTHY, BUT, NO, NO,NO I CONVINCED MY SELF AND GRASPED ENOUGH ADEQUATE VALOR TO TELL YOU THAT SEE! I GOT UP FROM MY BED AND I NEEDED NO ONE'S HELP TO DO THAT. I WOKE UP AND WITHOUT WASTING MY TIME I FOLDED MY BLANKETS AND GOT READY TO GO THE BATHROOM. OK! OK! IT WASN'T THAT EASY AND FAST BUT I DID! OK MOVING FURTHER! I WALKED MYSELF TO THE BATHROOM; HOLD MY TOOTHBRUSH IN MY HAND AND STARTED BRUSHING MY TEETH PUTTING A SMILE ON MY FACE WHILE GAZING AT MIRROR, I SAW MY CRACKED REFLECTION TELLING ME TO GO BACK AND STOP WASTING MY TIME HOWEVER THIS AIN'T GONNA CHANGE YOUR PAST DEEDS, YOUR MISTAKES NEITHER IT'S GONNA MAKE YOU HAPPY. BUT I IGNORED IT N STARTED BRUSHING. THE BRUSH WAS AS HEAVY AS STEEL AND I DON'T KNOW I STARTED CRYING I DIDN'T WANTED TOO NOR I WAS UNDERSTANDING WHY AM I CRYING? BUT I DID NOT LOSE ANY HOPE AND CONTINUED BRUSHING MY WITH STRUGGLING HAVING A SMILE AND MADE MYSELF CLEAR THAT YOU ARE THE ONE WHO'S WORTHLESS NOT ME DEPRESSION! PUT THAT STRAIGHT INTO UR MIND. AND CONSOLED THAT EVEN IF I AM NOT TH MAIN CHARACTER IN ANYONE'S STORY, I'M THE MAIN CHARACTER IN MY STORY AND I AM GOING TO DIRECT IT BY MY SELF, NOW, EVEN IF IT'S STARTED FROM FOLDING MY BLANKETS AND SMILING IN MIRROR ARE THE THINGS THAT MADE ME PROUD. I CONTINUED BRUSHING AND ALSO HAD A WARM AND SLOW SHOWER WITH MY FAVORITE SPOTIFY PLAYLIST ON WHICH WAS PLAYING "THAT WHAT'S MAKE YOU BEAUTIFUL" OF "ONE DIRECTION", SO AS TO AVOID UNNECESSARY DISCUSSION WITH YOU. I THEN STARTED MAKING MY OWN BREAKFAST, TRIED PUTTING SMILE ON MY FACE, BUT I WASN'T ABLE TO CONCENTRATE IT FELT LIKE I WAS ALONE ON THIS PLANET AND THERE'S ONE ONE I CAN COUNT ON OR TURN MY BACK TOO I "WHY AM I HERE? " QUESTIONED ME AND STARTED BAWLING OUT. BUT AS I PROMISED MY SELF, I QUICKLY WIPED MY TEARS AND CALLED MY AMMA AND ASKED HER, "HOW TO MAKE PANCAKES? " AND IT TURNED OUT THAT I HAVEN'T LOST MY COOKING SKILLS YET AND THAT ADDED SMILE ON MY FACE. HEHE, IT TURNED OUT AMAZING. YOU ALWAYS SAID NO ONE WOULD LIKE MY FOOD NEITHER THEY WOULD VALUE IT WELL NOT IT'LL NOT BE A BOTHER SO AS I CAN ENJOY IT WHOLE BY MYSELF. I DECIDED TO NOT BE IN DARK ANYMORE AND THOUGHT OF STEPPING OUT. I'M TRYING SEE! AND I WILL TRY. AS IT'S SUMMER I WORE MY FAVORITE WHITE COLOR DRESS WHICH SURPRISINGLY FITTED ME SO WELL AND YOU WERE SAYING THAT I HAVE GAINED WEIGHT IT'S OF NO USE TO ME, HAHA, IT TURNS OUT THAT UR WRONG. AS I STARTED WEARING MY SHOES THERE STARTED COMING OUT A BLACK FOG WITH SMOKY HANDS WHICH STARTED TYING MY LEGS AS IF IT WAS STOPPING IT FROM LETTING ME GO OUTSIDE BUT NAH, NAH AT FIRST 5 MINS I WAS JUST STARTING IT BUT THEN I STARTED WALKING AS IT WASN'T THERE. I MOVED OUT AND EACH STEP STARTED TO FEEL LIKE A BURDEN IT REMINDED OF MY EACH NIGHTMARE I STARTED TO FEEL NERVOUS AND SUDDENLY SAW MYSELF LOSING MY CONSCIENCE AND AT THE SAME MOMENT I SAW FRESH FLOWERS AND DECIDED TO PURCHASE IT AS I THOUGHT IT WOULD LIFT UP MY MOOD .AND THEY DID. YOU KNOW WHAT SOMEONE ON THE STREET COMPLIMENTED MY DRESS AND IT MADE MY DAY AS IT BROUGHT SMILE ON MY FACE AND DECIDED TO DO THAT TO HER TOO. YOU KNOW IT FELT SO NICE AS IF WAS I WAS IN MY SEVENTH HEAVENS AND THERE YOU COME FRIGHTENING ME THAT SHE WAS NOT COMPLEMENTING YOU BUT WAS JUST MAKING FUN OF YOU AND WHEN YOU COMPLIMENTED, SHE WAS JUST PRETENDING TO SMILE SO AS TO NOT HURT YOUR FEELINGS .MY STEPS TURNED TO BECOME HEAVY AND HEAVIER AS IF IT WAS TIED TO ROCKS AND MY BACK WAS FILLED WITH ALL THE DARK SECRETS OF MY LIFE. I STOPPED AT A CAFE AND STARTED THINKING THAT IF A UNKNOWN PERSON CAN THINK OF MY FEELINGS OF NOT GETTING HURT THEN WHY AM I NOT THINKING ABOUT MYSELF ,MY HEALTH, MY MENTAL STRENGTH, MY FAMILY, MY FRIENDS, WHY AM I NOT LOVING MY SELF . THAT'S IT I NEED TO START TEACHING MY SELF ,I NEED TO START LOVING MY SELF AND IF NOT NOW THEN WHEN? THE WAY I LOOK? THE WAY I DRESS?? MY MAKEUP ?? EVERYTHING HAS TO DEAL WITH ME I KNOW IT'S NOT EASY I'VE WRITTEN BUT I AM GOING TO TRY , IAM GOING TO CRY IN THIS JOURNEY AS YOU WILL BE ACCOMPANIED AT EVERY STAGE AND WILL MAKE SURE THAT U SHOULD NEVER BE THE PART OF MY HAPPINESS, DECISIONS IN MY LIFE. IT'S ALL ME NOW HAHA EVEN IF I CRIED AT NIGHT WITH YOUR ALL PARANOIC THOUGHTS I AM GOING TO MAKE SURE I'M GONNA MAKE IT. ~POETIC PRITI