HIDDEN | KTH

2

She left. She leaves always as she has no certified reason to be with him always in public and in personal situations. Because then what would be her recognition, what would be her identification in Taehyung’s life? What would be her image as a person beside Taehyung? Could she say she is Taehyung’s hidden desire who Taehyung doesn’t have yet gave her a certified position in his life? What could she say that she was Taehyung’s need, Taehyung’s spark, Taehyung’s passion, Taehyung’s addiction, his comfort or his warmth when she could have said she was Taehyung’s girlfriend, fiancée or wife but Taehyung hasn’t certified their relationship in public nor in personal? Nobody knows about her even the members don’t. The word hidden is suffocating her and she couldn’t help but wanting to be free from it but Taehyung’s affection and desires which were creating a burning desire to herself also which was not letting her free from this bond which doesn’t have any name. Neither of them confessed yet because they are scared of their future.
But love? Was it only love for them or more than that?
At the evening,
She reached her apartment, only to be greeted by her elder sister’s glaring eyes.
“Where were yesterday?”
She smiled nervously hearing her as embraced her elder sister to calm her rage down.
“I told you na, I went to find a publisher about whom Rumi suggested. Her elder sister Aerum doesn’t seem to absorb nor believe the sentence which escaped her lips. She calmed down and sighed while saying
“Did you find one?”
She giggled as she said
“Still not. Maybe my book doesn’t have any spark or any uniqueness. That’s why”
She said while pulling out from the hug. Aerum noticed she was smiling but a tint of pain and dissatisfaction was visible in her eyes. Aerum’s eyes soften as her fingers caressed her sister’s cheek and said
“Your book has a tint off reality with a touch of delicacy, your writing creates emotion’s itself and it certainly has spark. Don’t over think. You will get a big publisher. Hmm?”
Her dark brown eyes brightened and nodded vigorously as she was getting overwhelmed gradually in guilt for lying to her sister Aerum. She can’t share her relationship with Taehyung to anyone, not before Taehyung confirms it. Taehyung and she are still trying to absorb their relationship and understand the bond of love. They didn’t name it but from a past few months she wants it to be confirm and shared to their loved ones. She wants surety in Taehyung’s live with her position. She wants Taehyung to give her that status and position in his live. She wants Taehyung to make her his not only by showing his desires but also with his words, statements. She wants the world to know that he belonged to her. But this desperation and Taehyung’s silence everytime this matter woke up is just killing her from inside. Insecurity is stretching leaving all boundaries behind. Fear of getting replaced by someone is eating her up. Fear of getting out of Taehyung’s need priorities and desires is poisoning her. Fear of seeing Taehyung sharing that passionate moments with someone else just rips her heart apart. Aerum noticed she was drifting to another world of thinking. She snapped at her and said
“What are you thinking?”
She came back from her thoughts as she smiled and said
“I need to rest. I am tired of those journeys. Let’s talk tomorrow. I love you”
She said and was about to ran away but Aerum held her and asked
“Angel, are you okay?”
Angel nodded as she ran away feeling regretful for lying. This has become her life, lying, running away from everyone who cared for her because she couldn’t utter more lies to them for the sake of Taehyung. She was bonded in that relationship which was eating her up slowly. She wanted to be free but Taehyung’s love drug was making her unconscious of everything around her. She drowns around his personality, around his warmness. She slept thinking about all of these.

To be continued