I found it while I was in her room thinking about her and wondering what happened to her with a heavy heart.
I saw it in her cupboard drawer when I was going through her things. It took me some time to decide if I should read her diary.. although she is dead now but still going through someone's personal belonging especially a diary felt wrong. "Ughh I have to read it..", I thought to myself and opened it. I started reading it and the more I read the more I understood what my sister was going through in her life..
I was filled with guilt that I could have helped her if I listened to her. Realising that you have people in your life but can't share your problems with anyone? Damn she was lonely. Turning the pages I got to know how much she went through, how much she tried and failed. She felt abused by people talking shit about her. Only if I could turn back time I would go to her and listen to her problems...but nothing can be done now.. she's gone- I will never get my sister back..I will never be able to hear her voice or spend time with her..I hate myself for letting her go!
Finally I came to last page of the diary which had some marks of dried up tears of a person. It had nothing written on it except one line, " I am sorry for being such a burden..but people don't have to bear me anymore...." She was not a burden! Tears rolled down my cheeks adding to that of hers.. only if I asked her how she was, this would not happen...
