Ambivalence

Thŕéé

   "Valen, we talked about this. Why are you so set on teaching this little girl?" My mom asked a few days after I had told her that I wanted to teach the girl. I had only answered with a "my life needs something else, after all I wanna be a teacher." My parents didn't need to know the whole "pull towards this mysterious man" thing, but it hasn't went away.

   You are the reason I'm doing this, why I wanted to wake up this morning. Why I'm fixing to get into my car and drive to your address. When I arrived you took me in and introduced me to your daughter. I kept catching simple glances from you, out of the corner of my eye.

   You were shy, noted.

   I never noticed a ring, so I didn't think much of it. You had me come over 3 times a week, and your daughter progressed impressively. I took her to school functions, being the "mother figure" you said I was to her. She had made more than enough friends, with her playing sports and getting out of her shell now.

   She even called me Vally.

   I remember you asking me to have dinner with you. It was a fancy restaurant, not that I'd expected anything less from you. You were a billionaire, with multiple multimillionaire companies. Even though that wasn't what had drawn me, and kept me coming back for more.

   You were simply just, you. The smile never left your face when I was around, you always sat by me and held my hand at your daughters recitals. You simply described mine and her work as ineffable.

   When we had dinner, you seemed in your comfort zone. I had wondered about your wife, or ex wife, but decided not to push it. You would hopefully tell me, when you were ready.

   Wonderful hours turned into days, days turned to weeks, and those weeks were filled with dates, dancing, music, spending time with your daughter, and school. Those weeks were the best weeks of my life, and still are.

   Sometimes I would ask about you, and you would say your fine, but I know you better than that. Even though we've known each other for weeks, it feels like you were my lifelong soulmate, just waiting to be discovered in a universe filled with insanity. My insanity. I hadn't realized how much I needed you, and you the same.

   You would often sing to me, and write me poems, usually words I've never heard of that caused my heart to shatter with just one look. Or you would give me feather light kisses that had my insides melting to a putty. Or the little touches that would have me going for days without an end.

   You were my sanity, one look and I would be at your feet begging, one touch and I would do anything for you, and one of your famous smiles, and my universe would no longer exist outside of yours.

   If I couldn't have you, I couldn't live. But the universe proves us wrong each and everyday.

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