Existing for you

Bad dreams

Jimin sat up in bed gasping, sweat pouring down his face,same nightmare.
He got out of bed walking to the small kitchen to get a glass of water, opening the door he sat on the bench outside looking as the moon lit up the ocean. When would it stop, wasn't he paying the price already.
His mind went back to that day, they were all in the minivan, laughing and joking, singing songs at the top of their voices,Namjoon had yelled to jimin to go slower, he remembered thinking that he was going at the right speed,turning his head slightly to shut the other up.....then like a slow motion film, the van skidding and getting faster, jimin pressing the brakes and then the world turning upside down.
Ambulances had arrived, Jungkook and Suga hurt most both unconscious and battered and bruised as were the others, Jimin had banged his head and blacked out as well as fracturing his wrist, Tae and Hobi cuts and grazes and Namjoon a massive bruise on his head and arm ,Jin escaping with a tiny scratch.
At the hospital Jimins wrist was put in plaster done quickly as he wanted to see his friends, he didn't tell the doctor he had banged his head, so they let him go and see his friends.
His band mates were huddled outside Jungkook and Sugas room, their cuts and grazes treated. All were sat on chairs along the corridor eyes focused on the door of the room nobody saw Jimin walk up.
"I told him to slow down!"
"Joonie, he didn't crash on purpose but your right he should have listened."
"Why don't they wake up?"
"What do you think is the matter the doctors sounded worried."
"They took x rays worried about internal bleeding, the press will have a field day with this once they get onto it ,so far the company has kept it under wraps."
"I don't envy Jimin when they find out he was driving, his haters will go all out to get him."
Jimin hearing this took a step back, his head was banging, he'd done this , he'd hurt his colleagues he should have listened to Namjoon, this was all his fault, his crush Jungkook would never like him now, how badly injured was he and Suga?His head felt like it was going to explode the floor and walls tilting, the last thing he remembered was someone shouting his name before he blacked out.
Coming to in a darkened room later on, he lay on his side hearing voices murmur," at least Suga is awake now but I'm worried about Jungkook the longer he's out the worse it looks," Namjoon said.
" the police are looking into it, they want to talk to Jimin, this is bound to get out,why did this have to happen?"
Jimin felt a tear run down his face, " he'd caused all this trouble, why hadn't he listened to Namjoon although he swore he had driven properly but the brakes hadn't worked properly?No he couldn't blame the car he was the problem. Sitting up he looked at the other two sat by his bed.
"A-are you two okay?"
They nodded not looking him the face.
"And the rest?"
"Jungkook is unconscious and has a fractured rib and they are not sure about other damage , Suga was unconscious or as he says having a nice nap and they are monitoring him the rest bumps and grazes. Why didn't you tell the doctor you banged your head as well as fracturing your wrist?your so stupid Jimin do you think you know better? " Namjoon said accusingly.
"Namjoon! That's harsh," Jin said.
"Aaaaargh, I'm just worried and I have a killer headache,sorry for being mean,they scanned your head and will let us know results  tomorrow."
Jimin whispered he was sorry , it felt like Namjoon was talking more about him not listening about the car not his head, he lay down again closing his eyes eventually hearing the two leave.
He looked at his watch it was 9.30pm. He could hear the beep of hospital machines and hear footsteps in the corridor. He slipped out of bed picking up his jacket and shoes he poked his head out the door, seeing security outside, they looked at him and one asked where he was going. Putting on a strict face he pushed past telling them he was checking on his friends they tried to tell him something but he told them to leave him alone , feeling irritated and he walked down the corridor to the room he had gone to before, getting there as two doctors came out," so sad he's only young and now he's paralysed,"one said.
"Stupid drivers!" The other agreed.
Jimin stopped frozen to the spot, his mind scrambling to believe what he heard, Jungkook was paralysed ! He had ruined the others life, oh god!
He turned to see the security faced away from him,on the phone to someone and gesturing with their hands ,he glanced quickly around seeing a door leading to stairs.Going slowly down his head spinning, his only thought to get away, he couldn't face what he had done, nobody would want him around now,they would all hate him. Exiting on the ground floor he saw a cafeteria, two policemen sitting there. One noticed him and stood up," Mr Park?"
"Y-yes,do you need a statement from me?"
"No we have all the information from your colleagues, just want to know did you try applying the brakes?"
"I'm sure I did,sorry my heads a little fuzzy,"
They nodded, " that's understandable , take care." They turned and walked away.
Jimins phone buzzed , he took it out and read the message from Namjoon," Jimin your probably asleep , just needed to let you know the latest on Jungkook, thought you would prefer to hear it from me,"
Staring at the phone Jimin answered it with," forgive me all of you I'm sorry." Pressing send he took out his SIM card and threw the phone in the nearest rubbish bin, before walking to an exit, putting a face mask on and hailing a taxi." Where to sir?"
" the nearest train station, thank you."
Once there he looked at the first train that was leaving and got a ticket, then going to the shops nearby he bought a selection of clothing to tide him over, getting on the train he sat down closing his eyes, his head feeling muddled ,this was for the best he thought , a straight cut off so the others wouldn't have to play nice with him and he wouldn't have to face Jungkook, cowardly he knew but better for them both.
That had been a week ago he had found a beach house given a false name to rent it had food delivered and now closed himself away from the world, grief at what he had caused holding him captive in his own little world, not ready to face the people he loved or the world.