I want her

first day of hell

It's the first day of school great .. I wasn't ready I was always  homeschooled because my mother thought I wouldn't fit in,my mother wants me to be perfect and everything else if nothing goes her way she would take it on me or yell like a baby which annoyed me why did I have to have the mother I have ? I hate her for reasons like she's racist and doesn't support LGBTQ at all if she saw a boy kissing another boy she would beat the shit out of them and since I have a brother she always takes his side at least listen to what I have to say Instead of taking his side . Well I have to ignore her until I move out which will be soon I hope well I'm in high school so pretty soon . Today my mother hit me to wake up and she smelled like cigarettes she always told me to never smoke because "it will ruin my perfect lungs" as always she wanted me to be so perfect and for what ? I don't want to be perfect and she acts like she knows what's good for me well today's a new start I guess that's what hear at least my mother wasn't having it today so I hurried up and got dressed and got my bookbag and headed out my mother doesn't think she it's okay for me to drive a car so she called a taxi even though she has a car and can just drive me there it's not like she has a job , well not that I know of my brother won't tell me anyway . The taxi dropped me off and I gave him a tip because my mother wouldn't anyway when I had got to the school it looked like some crappy school you would see in a horror movie or something I didn't think it would be so bad but as soon as I walked in already people were staring at me I hate when people look at me like as if I'm something they have never seen before I would to the front office the lady looked like she never slept and looked like she worked there for years she had told me  teachers my homeroom teacher name is Mr.Bloster when I entered his room he looked like a kidnaper or something gave me the chills "hello welcome to my class I'm Mr.Bloster what's your name ?" I stood there quiet while everyone in the class looked at me I mumbled under my breath "it's... kim..." "What was that? Sorry I didn't hear you?" " It's kim ,okay!?" "No need to yell  your names kim ?, What a pretty name kim" at that moment I knew he was wired "um yeah where do I sit?"  "Oh right hmm sit next to Ms. rei the one with short hair ." "Sir I told you already don't call me ms.rei it's just rei " "right very sorry rei " I had sat next to her she didn't seem like one to talk either she was very pretty she had rings on her fingers her hands looked soft to touch her skin too her makeup was very pretty and her hair I really wanted to say something but what do I say she may think I'm wired does she even see me as a person !? "H-hello ,I'm kim .." "hello Kim , I'm rei " omg she talked to me I never felt this way before it's strange what am I feeling right now .. is it fate that I met her ? I don't understand what this feeling is ? Is it anger ?, Sadness?, Love... Am I gay? "Hey what's wrong? You haven't been talking class is almost over "  and I snapped back into reality "oh .. i-i'm sorry I just spaced out a bit" "why are you apologizing you did nothing wrong it happens okay?" "O-okay " "ding ding !" "Well class is over now see you "  I wanted to say something to her before she left but I didn't know what to say nothing came out she waved goodbye and I had to get to my other class . When I had got home my mother was sitting on the sit she always sat in when she was mad  "how was school ?" "Fine ..." "I see did you make any friends ?" "No.." " well start making some with the rich girls all right ?" "... I'm gonna go take a shower see you" I ignored her about that I can be friends with who that like saying you will marry this person because they are rich like I can marry who I want and be friends with who ever I want . "Sis mom said I could use your tv because mine broke " "well to bad you broke it, go by yourself a new one mom gives you money all the time " "give it to me or I will tell mom" "no way your crazy" "mom!" "Great.." "what's going on ?" "Kim won't let me use her tv " "kim let him use your tv he broke his plus it's not your tv so share " "it is my tv I bought it with my money I earned from doing work unlike you and if it wasn't my tv I would be telling him he can't use it " "don't you dare talk to me like that go to your room right now I wish I never had to for a daughter I never wanted a girl you ruin my life !" I felt like I would never leave here all I could do was cry I never wanted the mother I have she didn't even care for me none of my family members cared the would call agree with her about me as if they know me they don't they only know the lies my mother tells them I wish I was normal I wish I had a normal family I didn't deserve this why me , I never wanted this .. today I woke up I didn't feel like going to school people look at me different I just wanna be like everyone else I don't want to be looked at different I want someone to love me at least my father left me without saying goodbye I feel like I can't do anything without someone judging me about the way I do it and how I do it I just want one day for my mom to say " I love you kim and I'm sorry for everything " but I know she will never say it  please let me go mother I made up my mind I'm such I'm a fool . For everything