No, I'm Just Delusional (Phan) RE-WRITE IN PROCESS

Unstable

Phil -

I feel someone or something stir next to me and despite feel heavy fatigue my eyes unwillingly bolt open. I jump out of bed. Until now I hadn't noticed that I was in an unfamiliar room and, until a second ago I was in bed with the one and only Daniel Howell. I started to shake the familiar paranoia coming on. I scan the room looking for something, anything that I could potentially uses as a weapon, a weapon to protect myself. My eyes catch a glimpse of something shinny on his book shelf. I shuffle over it keeping my eyes on the sleeping figure. I turn around quickly taking notice that it is a rather heavy trophy, a football trophy. Of all the things I could grab, but I don't really have any other choices.

I can hear the other boy begin to wake. I quickly run over curling myself into a ball in the corner of the room, the weapon sitting hidden underneath my legs. I haven't stopped shaking and I can suddenly feel every bruise on my body, every ache and sore joint. I close my eyes trying to clock out the pain like I had done so many times before. It's failing and I know I need to get a grip on myself, I needed to be aware.

Now thinking about I should of just bolted, but then life wouldn't of been able to punish him for things he didn't do. I sigh, rolling my shoulders only causing me to wince and put myself in more pain. With his eyes closed he didn't realise that Dan had gotten out of bed and was now looming over him making him snap his eyes open with fear and try to melt into the wall even more.

I shudder and shake violently now as he moves and sits in front of me. I lift up the trophy from between my legs and hold it in my right hand. I am shaking so hard, tears fall down my face like a highway and leave my eyes red and puffy. Dan does look a little shocked but he tries to cover it. I take my eyes off him staring at the floor. I must look so pathetic right now. A sixteen year old crying, shaking and holding a heavy football trophy as protection. If I am correct and it is as ridiculous in my head as it is right now I was doomed.

I slowly and shakily put the trophy to the ground and grab my knees pulling them close to my chest and trying to take comfort in the silence. I take a brief look up and Dan is looking at me with concern? No I must be wrong. After everything that Dan and his thugs have done to me there is no way he would now feel any kind of feeling other than anger or disgust towards me.

“P-Phil, whats wrong?” Dan asks me. I am so confused surely he must only be saying that as some sort of sick game? But I can't help but question myself. I now notice how laced with worry his voice was, he even stuttered! Surly this means something other than Dan wanting to hurt him. But the past doesn't change for anyone and the truth was there. Never, had Dan or his 'friends' ever be nice to him, so why would they start now? I sob harder knowing I'm right and that he really doesn't care.

“Phil?” he asks again, more confident now.

“P-Please d-don't hurt m-me.” I whimpered the words were barely audible but he had not doubt that Dan had hear him. Dan shook his head furiously. I had no idea why though, yesterday he didn't see,s so keen on helping me. Then I suddenly remembered. It all came rushing back. Running from school, the thugs kicking me, then Dan. Dan actually helped me. He carried me off the street and put me in the back of his car. Then all I remember is black.

He helped me.

Thats the one thought that registers in my brain maybe I can trust him. I look up again not even realising that I has been looking at the ground.

'Phil,” He gulps. “ Phil, I'm so sorry ok? I know I have been a massive fuck up and all I've done is hurt you. I need you to know though that now? Now I promise I will not ever lay a hand on you again. What I did was wrong and stupid and selfish. I was fuelled by so much anger that somehow I had to release it, and somehow you got caught up in the middle of it and I think you know the rest. Look Phil I'm not trying to justify what I did in anyway but I need you to know that I have changed or well I am changing. I am so fucking sorry Phil, for everything.”

I notice tears coming down his face and I can't help my self when I reach up and brush them away. He was truly stunning, there was no other way to describe him. He looks up surprised and I pull my hand back fast flinching when he lifts his hand to brush the bangs out of his eyes. He sighs heavily and I think he accepts that no matter what I was scared out of my brain and he couldn't change that.

Not now anyway.