Thinking of You

Thinking Of You Chapter 1

When I finished reading the letter, I thought about us, from start to finish.

I couldn't see right, my eyes were glossy and I caught myself moving my tongue over my chapped lips for the thousandth time that night. I had been at a party with some friends, 'Some friends' including your sister, who had to call you of all people to pick me up in the middle of my lame ass meltdown. Such meltdown of course was about you.

It was clear to anybody who had brain cells you were as pissed as can be, so I was quite relieved when you didn't call the cops on us, since I doubt they would be very happy to waste over an hour of their precious time dealing with some shitty highschoolers who had nothing better to do with their sad, boring, irrelevant lives.

I was stuck in thought when I felt you take hold of my hand, now using one hand to direct the steering wheel. I just barely tilted my head so my vermillion-shaded face wasn't visible.

You inhaled quickly, followed by a paranoid sigh, breaking the silence. I prepared myself for the incoming lecture I knew you would give me. The sound of the tires rolling against the pavement and the hum of the car engine occupied the anxiety inside of my body.

"So,"

SHIT.

You spoke with that stupid, angelic, heartbreaking voice of yours and I felt the hot tears threatening to escape.

"If I didn't text K.J to make sure you were all alright I wouldn't be here right now,"

Damn that twin telepathy shit

"So why did you come then?" I flinched as my voice cracked near the end of those words that seemed to hurt me more than I thought they would.

"Why were you crying over me of all people?" You spoke softly, your expression and tone were weirdly unreadable.

"I was high, high people cry over everything," I tried to snarl back, but it came out weak, my lips were still chapped and my throat was dry.

"You weren't drunk, you remember what happened, can you please tell me what I did wrong?"

"I already told you this back at Dannie's house, you didn't do anything wrong, so just drop it already!"

You pulled the car over, I could feel my stomach doing somersaults all over.

You got out and went around the front of the car to my side. You opened the car door and motioned for me to get out, I didn't know what you were doing, I did know that you abandoning me here was not the worst-case scenario. You closed the door and locked the car doors, then proceeded to grab my hand again and drag me somewhere. I had no idea where we were going, it was too dark to tell anymore, the sun had gone down hours ago and the thick clouds blocked the light of the moon. I felt the bushes and grass graze my ankles and knees, the dirt felt strangely nice on my bare feet. My bare feet, crap, I wasn't wearing any shoes.

The bushes and grass seemed to disperse slowly as we walked onto a small bridge.

You stopped and turned to look at me, the clouds had cleared and the moon shone down on us, I stared into your eyes, your dark brown hair draped over your shoulders, your bright blue eyes reflecting the moonlight. I wanted to hate you so much, but I couldn't, and I hated myself for that. You smiled that one smile, that one particular smile you would always wear whenever we were in the moonlight and my white hair glowed, earning me the nickname 'Moony'.

I felt like I was in a trance, but then I felt warmth around my stone-cold body.

I felt them again, the hot tears, this time fighting even harder to escape. They did, I wanted to stab myself in the chest. It couldn't possibly hurt more than the stabbing feeling already living in my heart that seemed to come for a visit every time I laid eyes on you.

"Wanna tell me what I did now?" You whispered with a sad smile in your voice.

I backed up, now I was very very pissed.

"You wanna know what you did?!" I raised my voice slightly. "You existed! You made high school the most painful time of my life goddamnit!"

You looked at me, your face full of hurt, you tried to back up a bit, but I grabbed your hand and pulled you back towards me.

"Every time I see your face, or hear your voice it hurts!!! It feels like I'm being stabbed in the ribs over and over and over again!"

There was barely any air in between us, I looked up at your face.

"Don't you understand?! I love you!!" I screamed, my throat felt like it was on fire, the tears in my eyes had escaped a long time ago, but they were still streaming down my face.

I crouched down my head in between my knees crying my eyes out. I hated myself right now, I wanted to jump off the bridge into the trench right then and there.

There was a soft silence accompanied by the soft chirping of crickets and the faint sound of cars driving on the road.

I could hear your shaky breathing, and then you spoke.

"Are you sure that's not just the weed talking-"

You had barely finished your sentence when I interrupted you with a serious tone.

"No, it's not," I stood and looked back into your eyes.

"Katherine Junbee," I said your name, it was weird, saying your full name like that.

"I have been in love with you since the middle of the first year," I said. I was so stupid, if this didn't turn out well I could just pretend it was the weed.

You grabbed onto my shoulders and looked into my eyes, your expression was still unreadable.

"If this is the weed, I'm gonna hurt you", you said, then proceeded to kiss me. I was confused, but eventually, my body gave in when my brain came to a realization. I was kissing the one and only crush I've ever had. Your grip on my shoulders loosened and moved down, resting on my waist, as I put my arms around your neck. It felt like it lasted forever. You backed away for a bit so we could catch our breath.

"Hey, you're a pretty good kisser Miyu, but you might wanna put some chapstick on," You laughed at me as my face became scarlet and I became angry. You had to ruin the mood.

"Shut up you shit-covered beanpole!" I yelled angrily.

"That doesn't sound very romantic!" You said, still laughing. 

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