The Boyfriend Project (COMPLETED) #Wattys2016

Eleventh

11 - Warmth

"I want you to come and stay for the weekend." said the woman on the other line.

"Okay, Madame." I answered.

"Good." she said and cut the line.

I sighed and put the phone inside my bag.

"You okay?"

I heard some shuffling at naramdaman kong umupo si Simon sa tabi ko. Andito ako sa may sulok ng library, naka-upo na parang fetal position sa sahig habang nagkalat ang notes at reviewer ko. Malapit na kasi ang exams' week.

I shrugged. Di ako sure kung okay ba ako or what.

My mom called earlier. Sinabi niya na umuwi muna ako sa bahay this weekend. Bahay means dun sa bahay na tinitirhan nya in the Metro. Ayoko dun sa lugar na iyon. The place is cold like my mother.

Maling sabihin ang ganung bagay sa ina niya. Alam ko yun, but I'm just telling the truth. My mom is a cold woman. She doesn't treat me like her own daughter at all. Pero civil naman sya para lang nakikipag-usap sa estranghero at di anak ang kinaka-usap.

Good thing, lumaki ako sa pag-aaruga ni Auntie Jade. Yung sister ni Dad. She's the kindest person I know and she loves me like her own daughter.

We sat in silence. Walang umiimik. Tunog lang ng aircon ang maririnig sa tahimik na parte ng library na iyon.

Naramdaman ko ang kamay ni Simon sa balikat ko. Marahan ang pag-tapik niya na parang kino-comfort nya ako. He doesn't know anything, but he knows that I needed to be comforted at this moment.

He didn't say anything yet his presence brings relief to me.

"Come here." he said as he pulled me towards him. He gently held my head to his chest while his hand is caress my hair. He hugs me. He hugs me!

Naramdamaan ko ang warmth na bumalot sa akin. Na-blangko ang utak ko, nawala ang stress sa acads at sa pamilya ko. His embrace made me relax. I love his warm hug.

As if having their own minds, my arms snaked around his body and returning his hug.

Again, the silence reigned. My face buried to his chest, inhaling his natural scent.

"Okay ka na?" he asked, breaking the silence.

I nodded, feeling a lot better.

"Good." He said, grinning at me and hugged me tighter. "You can tell me about it when you feel like telling."

Umayos ako ng upo. Siya naman ay ganun din, pero di niya hinayaan na lumayo ako sa kanya. He insisted na sumandal ako sa dibdib nya while his arms snaked around my waist. Di na ako umangal kasi nagustuhan ko yung feeling. It feels like I found my place and made me feel safe.

Sinimulan ko nang ikwento sa kanya ang set up ng pamilya namin. How my father died when I was three, how my mother left me to my aunt's care and how I grew up knowing my mom being cold to me and never cares at all.

"She's a cold woman. Parang stranger kami sa isa't isa. And yet, she's my mother." I said, smiling bitterly on that fact.

My mother makes me feel like unwanted. Kahit anong atensyon ang ibigay ni Auntie Jade, I still want to be loved by my own blood mother. Ayoko na maramdaman na di ka gusto kaya ayokong pumunta sa bahay ni Mama. Ganun kasi dun, hindi ako belong.

Pero sa tinagal na panahon nasanay na rin ako kahit may konti pa rin kurot sa dibdib. Naging indifferent na rin ako sa kanya.

I felt his arms hugging me tighter. He buried his head on my neck.

He reminds me the warmth of not being alone. I felt the immediate relief, na may nasasabihan ako ng ganitong problema. I never shared it with anyone. Sa kanya pa lang.

"Simon..."

"Hmm..."

"Mag-promise ka sa akin!"

Nagulat sya. "Ano naman?"

I looked away. Mahirap sabihin at masakit para sa akin. But I want this! And I need it.

"I want your honesty, Simon. You'll give it to me, right?"

Mukhang nagulat siya. Pero mabilis naman nakabawi. He smiled.

"Okay. I promise." He said chuckling. "Pero para saan naman iyon?"

"Tell me the truth. Sabihin mo agad sa akin if ayaw mo na sa akin, so I can stay away. Ayoko na pinagsiksikan ko ang sarili ko sa taong ayaw naman sa akin."

Coz if not, then.....

It will be like my mother all over again.