When Stars Shine The Brightest

All Parts

                    
                PROLOGUE
                          Wednesday, March 21
  IMMEDIATELY The Doctor's words came out, my heart froze, then dropped like an anvil into the pit of my stomach. 'I'm sorry' That was something I never imagined I'd be hearing while sitting in a doctor's office. After weeks of grueling tests and scans, this was the diagnosis? Disbelief and utter shock trailed after his words.
  My hand was squeezed tightly and I glanced at my mother sitting on the chair beside me. Tears were already rolling down her face. I truly hated seeing her in tears, but this time it stung more. Her reaction to the news further confirmed what I feared. This was real.
  "What are our options?" Dad asked the Doctor.
  My head turned to the man sitting on my other side, determination written all over his face. As always, he was leading the charge, already thinking of a course of action, a skill sharpened by years of active military service. He was trying to save his little girl, trying to save me. But sometimes people just couldn't be saved, and it seemed this was one of those times.
  Sitting quietly, I watched the doctor before me speak. But his voice was inaudible, completely drowned out by my thoughts. Not that any of what he was saying mattered now, I'd already heard the worst of his words. My thoughts drifted to what my life had been like just a month ago. Surviving High School, having fun with my family, being a teenager with ordinary teenage problems. Weird how everything had turned upside down in just a month, it all seemed like a distant memory now.
  I closed my eyes and just as quickly opened them, tears threatened but I kept them at bay. I didn't want to cry in front of my family. I wanted to be strong for them. I couldn't let them see I was hurting terribly, that would only cause them more pain. I needed to be strong, for them. The sight of the doctor staring straight at me with his mouth moving drew me out from my thoughts.
  "I'm sorry, Ivy." He said solemnly, seeming uncomfortable his own seat. His eyes carried an unfathomable sadness that led me to believe he meant it. I felt strangely sorry for him. Having to deliver news that would wreck a whole family must not be a pleasant thing.
  I nodded stiffly, it was all I could manage.
  The memories I'd gathered over the course of seventeen years surfaced in my mind. My life, the little of it I've lived wasn't enough. I was supposed to graduate High School, go to College, have a career, get married and have kids, that was the plan. It wasn't fair that my life would be ending before I even got to live it, it wasn't right.
  Despite my best effort, the emotions that whirled violently within me could not be confined any longer. A single, silent teardrop slowly ran down my face. It opened the floodgates, and more tears immediately followed. An immense pain grew in my chest and I bit back a low groan from escaping.
  Mom jumped from her seat in a heartbeat and pulled me into her arms. She held me so tight I could barely breath, but I didn't try to create space between us. I needed the closeness.
  "It's going to be alright, baby." She whispered, tears overwhelming her.
  Dad joined in. He enwrapped us both in a fierce embrace, shaking from the power of his emotions. Having my parents so close dulled the pain, but it didn't provide the usual sense of safety it so often did. This was a different situation and we all knew it.
  "It's going to be alright." Mom said again.
  I truly wanted to believe her. I wanted to be convinced everything would be alright, that it would all work out at the end. But the doctor's grim voice echoed again inside my head. 'Degenerative brain disorder.'                             

  

               CHAPTER ONE      
                            Wednesday, April 4
  'Dear diary, I know its been a while since I penned down my thoughts but life has a way of making things...complicated. See, I was diagnosed with Creutzgeldt-Jakob disease, CJD. A degenerative brain disorder suffered by one in a million, and mostly older people. The impossible happened when it chose me, so I guess you could say that makes me special (though not in a good way) It's incurable, no promising treatment to undergo, and chances of survival are...well, none.
  I've had some time to process this and I think I've accepted it, though not fully because sometimes it still feels surreal. I sleep alot these days and half the time when I'm awake, I'm in pain. Sometimes, it feels like my head is about to explode and my body has just been crushed by a giant rock, it's awful but the meds I take now have been helping with it.
  Dad didn't want me to stay at a hospital, I didn't want that either. So, for the past two weeks I've been at home, thinking about my life before the diagnosis. It wasn't always easy, I didn't have simple things like a particular race I belonged to (being biracial came with it's own unique struggles) but for the most part, I was content with what I did have. I wish I could go back to it, things were simpler then.
  Now, I'm constantly attended to by a Nurse. Her name is Grace Balor, she's very nice, and funny too, I wish I'd known her sooner... Or could know her longer. It's a frustrating thing knowing death is imminent, and absolutely nothing I can do to stop it, I hate it. I hate this feeling of powerlessness, just lying in bed and waiting for the inevitable.
  The hardest part of it all is watching Mom and Dad suffer along with me, I wish they didn't have to. One of the few things I'm grateful for is that Amy is still too young to understand everything. I wish Mom and Dad were like her, or I could atleast say or do something that would make them stop hurting. (more wishes, I seem to have a lot of them now) Mom's eyes are always red, she doesn't smile the same....'