There was clear distraught in his sleepy eyes, guarding the barricade with such rigid, though faltering discipline. It hasn't been an hour yet though Gi-Hun was falling back to sleep.
"Gi-Hun." Hae Young nudges him and he jolts back to consciousness. She purses her lips.
"You can go back to sleep if you're tired." She glances back at the dozing teams. "I don't think anyone is going to attack tonight."
"It's for precaution." Gi-Hun insisted. "You can go to sleep if you're tired."
But she isn't. Instead she just stays there with Gi-Hun watching in the darkness.
"Talk to me so you can keep me awake." He waves his hand to catch her attention.
Hae Young shifts uncomfortably. "What the hell is there to talk about?"
"Anything!"
She sighs, head coming up empty. "Well, how about you tell me something?"
Gi-Hun thinks for a moment, uncharacteristically quiet as he stares out in the darkness. He hums.
"My daughter is going to live in America." He blatantly says. Hae Young knits her brows together, as if that wasn't the narrative she'd expected him to tell her.
"Ga Yeong?" Hae Young asks, surprised. She scoots over to her friend.
"And I don't have full custody of her... But then eomma told me that if I'd make enough money, I'd get partial custody." He sighs, running his hand through his already disheveled hair. "That's why I joined."
"Oh." Hae Young sighs. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be." He waves her off. "We're all living in the shitters right now, so if you're going to be sorry for me, you have to be sorry for everyone else."
There was a pause as he tried to salvage the conversation and turn it lighter. Though, in the present darkness, and the countless players murdered in over three days, it was a little difficult to make things feel a little lighter. It was as if in every passing moment they were rolling deeper and deeper into the abyss.
"How about you?" He finally turns to her. "I was surprised to see you here in the first game, even more so when you came back."
Hae Young shifts uncomfortably, mentally preparing herself for something she realized she hadn't talked about much. She hasn't thought about it, honestly. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing when she dropped her call with her father, and hastily ran out of her apartment to get to where she is now. Just blurs and blurs of memories basically, where, oddly enough, this was the only place where she found herself grounded to reality and fearing for her life. But where does she even start, anyway?
Her father had always been sick, disease-prone, already wheelchair bound because of his stroke before Hae Young even graduated from high school. Though he put his pride on his only daughter, the pride and joy of Gangwon. At sixteen, she learned how to nurse for her father as she juggled her academics. At seventeen, she graduated the top of her class, and SNU was an opening opportunity for her future, or so she thought. But all those things just lead to here, with her desperate chance of escape and an even better, more stable life that hung above their head mockingly; all stashed in that goddamned clear piggy bank.
"Appa..." Hae Young starts. "He's... It's not that he's getting worse." She tries to explain. "But he's been better, and I can do better. So far, nothing bad has happened. But, he couldn't go anywhere without his wheelchair now. He's bound to it."
Gi-Hun just nods, listening intently.
"And it's not like I can go back. I have nothing to bring back to him, it wouldn't make things better. And I've tried to get jobs because that publishing company I worked for shut down." She sighs, hissing softly between her teeth. The frustration is finally coming up to her as she finally speaks out about things she should have. Her failure and desperation, the constantly sinking feeling of never being enough and never making enough for the ones you love. And the fact that she was alone in her own baggage.
After the company shut down, no other company planned to hire her. Probably because they didn't need her, or that she was overqualified, or maybe she was picky in her profession. Writing was just something she was passionate about, and it took a while for her to leave behind that picky habit of hers to find more ways to provide for the only family she has left.
"And then hospital bills, and my loans. Those loan sharks, too, that I got swindled and scammed by." She chuckles dryly, bringing her fingers up to her lips to inhale, but then she remembers that she wasn't holding any cigarette. Instead she leaves it there, trailing down as she uses her hand to rest her head. It was a heavy, heavy thing to think about.
There was shame there, in every account of her years so far, when she lost her money because her father needed more and more treatments. When she was introduced to the people she thought she could trust, borrowing money, and in the end getting nothing in return. Being chased in the alleyways of Gangwon; being chased in the alleyways of Deongson-don. Money, blood, and every tear she had shed, were all wasted and hazy. She couldn't remember much aside from those. She just had no time to remember anything at all.
"I just... Everything is sort of a blur now, don't you think?" She turns to Gi-Hun. "There is no past or future to worry about when you're constantly stuck in your own demise."
Almost as if there is no escape, she thinks. Though, out of all the people in this room, Gi-Hun should understand her the most. They're trying what they can for the family they have left. It's not their fault for being thrown into a dog-eat-dog world, where money held them at a chokehold.
"Then what are you going to do with the money?" He asks her without any 'ifs' or 'whens', if she ever wins, or when she ever gets out of here alive.
She pauses, but she does not think. She already knows what she wants. She just needed a breath from everything.
"Get my dad the treatment he needs." She started. "Save up a little, I mean, I still want to look for a stable job."
He just nods.
"Pay off my debts."
Get out of the hell hole she is in, basically. Yet, Hae Young is a realist. Out of thirty-four players left, what are her chances of surviving the next trials she'd be put in. She'd probably get shot in the next game, or be brutally murdered. Either way, winner or not, she must prepare herself for the worst.
"Hey." She says, Gi-Hun looks at her.
"If only one of us gets out of here... Do you promise to look out for each others' families?"
He stares at her, unblinking, yet unreadable, as if it wasn't Gi-Hun sitting next to her at that moment. He visibly swallows, unsure of whether it was to hold back a sob or a retort, but he chooses the wisest decision. He nods his head, pulling out his finger as a pinky promise.
"I promise." He says.
Hae Young interlocks it with his, closing off the promise with their thumbs. Just like when they were younger.
In the silence, and in the bearable darkness of that horrid place, there was a shed of light somewhere. Not from above them, but it was a sense that made everything feel light from the heaviness she had just expelled. If not sealed by a promise of interlocking fingers, it was reassurance; that if one of them doesn't make it, then the people they love would eventually still be fine. She doesn't have to worry now, at least. So if she dies today, then perhaps tomorrow will be just fine.
YOU ARE READING
EGOIST (Sang Woo x Fem!OC) [COMPLETED]
FanfictionIMPORTANT: There's a re-writtwn version of this story under the same name, it is the Ao3 version. There are major plot changes if you want to read it! :) enjoy~